Hey! Do you like the costume? Um, I'm a pirate, if you can't tell. I *wanted* to complete the ensemble with a talking parrot perched on my shoulder, but noooooooooooo, Yaten and Taiki refused to let a parrot into our apartment. Taiki was babbling something about tropical parrots being endangered, and Yaten was babbling about talking parrots being annoying or something. Whatever. I think that they were just jealous of my parrot. Um, why am I here again? . . . Oh, yeah, horror movies! Now I remember! Seiya Kou's All-Purpose Guide to A Select Handful of Really Awesome Horror Movies! Da-Dum! Excited, aren't you? You should be. I've compiled a list of some of my all-time favorite horror movies, and I've decided to share them with all the *wonderful* visitors who grace this website. Because, you know, I like to give a little something back to my adoring public. Okay, then. I proudly present . . . Drumroll, please . . . THE LIST! From the campy to the sublime, the cheesy to the genuinely eerie . . . My favorite horror movies, presented for your enjoyment. (Er, in chronological order, for those of you who like to know those sort of things.) THE LIST Freaks (1932. Available on MGM/UA Home Video.) No vampire, no werewolves, no ghosts . . . Just real human monsters. And no, it's not the circus sideshow freaks that are the monsters in this movie. It's the *normal* people. Freaks is set in a traveling circus, and chronicles the lives of the side-show freaks and the strange sub-culture that they create for themselves. Psycho (1960. Alfred Hitchcock. Need I say more?) If you're not familiar with the plot of this movie, you may have been living under a rock for most of your life. Something is seriously wrong with poor Norman Bates . . . And to say anything else would spoil the surprise for those unfortunate few who have never seen this movie.

Godzilla vs. Mothra (1964. Directed by Inoshiro Honda.)

If it weren't for the tiny singing twins, this would be really bad movie. Oh, wait . . . It IS a really bad movie. And that, my loyal fans, is why it's so darn fun to watch.

Rosemary's Baby (1968. Written and Directed by Roman Polanski. Starring Mia Farrow.)

Mia Farrow plays a young, innocent woman whose pregnancy isn't really what it seems. A VERY thoughtful, intelligent, engrossing, and surreal movie. Probably one of the finest horror films ever made.

Young Frankenstein (1974. Directed by Mel Brooks. Starring Gene Wilder.)

More of a parody than an actual horror movie, but still worth watching. Who doesn't love a good chuckle every now and then? Gene Wilder plays the great-grandson of everyone's favorite original mad scientist. Oh, and it's "Frrrahnkensteen." And don't you forget it.

Alien (1979. Directed by Ridley Scott. Starring Sigourney Weaver.)

As much as I love this film, I do have a problem with its political message. Not ALL of us aliens are evil homicidal creatures that burst from the chests of hapless astronauts. Oh, well. I don't suppose that my little protest is going to accomplish much in the ongoing battle to defeat prejudice against aliens in today's society . . . Moody, intense, creepy thriller. Go rent it. Do not eat popcorn while watching this movie. Do not eat ANYTHING while watching this movie. Some scenes are truly vomit-inducing.

The Shining (1980. Directed by Stanley Kubrick.)

Okay, so the film wasn't at ALL faithful to the incredible book by Stephen King. So what? The movie stands alone as a masterpiece of horror. And how can you NOT love Jack Nicholson as an axe-wielding maniac?!

Poltergeist (1982. Directed by Tobe Hooper.)

A haunted house built over an old graveyard; a innocent suburban family torn apart by supernatural phenomenon beyond their control or comprehension; a cute, innocent little girl that you just *know* is going to be victimized within the first half hour of the film; and, of course, one of the most famous lines in the horror genre: "They're h-e-e-e-e-re!"

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984. Written and Directed by Wes Craven.)

Freddy Kreuger has become an icon of pop culture, and has been spoofed in numerous movies and TV shows. It's easy to see why this lovable, cuddly, charismatic psychotic serial killer has become so popular. Because he's so handsome . . . Wait a minute . . . Who am I talking about, again? I think that my mind just wandered off to Wes Craven himself.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1987. Directed by Stephen Chiodo.)

I'm only putting this on the list because Taiki is afraid of clowns. That's why I like to watch this movie. A lot. Late a night. While it's storming outside. And I like to turn the volume up really, really high . . .

Arachnaphobia (1990. Directed by Frank Marshall.)

Nothing is scarier than spiders. 'Nuff said.

Barn of the Blood Llama (1997. Directed by Kevin L. West.)

Evil bloodthirsty llamas! I am *not* making this up. A delightfully cheesy, campy failure that is still incredibly entertaining to watch. Unless, of course, you happen to actually LIVE with 101 baby llamas . . .

The Blair Witch Project (1999. Directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez.)

Love it or hate it? Me, I love this movie. If the viewer allows themselves to shed their cynicism and become really and truly absorbed in the world of the three protagonists, then I can guarantee that said viewer will be absolutely scared mindless.

The Sixth Sense (1999. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.)

I really don't have much to say about this film that you already haven't heard. Haley Joel Osment + Bruce Willis + Subtly creepy and intelligent film = Solid gold horror movie.