Pizza Paranoia
The ceiling fans turned
idly. The smell of cheese was almost overpowering. The door was opened and a
bell rang sweetly. A young man scoped out all the empty seats. A waitress
passed by him. In one hand she held a bowl full of soup. That soup had such an
appetizing smell. The young man, named Seiya Kou, found an empty seat by a row
of coat hangers. Tons of coats hung from the hooks that ran up and down the
wall. Sticking out of a lonely, black leather jacket was a party invitation. A
waitress passed Seiya and he tried to get her attention. Minutes passed and
still no one had stopped to take his order or even give him a menu. Seiya rested his head in one hand. With his
other hand he drummed his fingers rhythmically. He was about to fall asleep
when a television snapped on. On the television was a cheesy musical put on by
the Alki Middle School Concert Choir. “Hm. They seem to have a bit of talent.”
Time
droned on and Seiya was now using the salt and peppershakers and the napkin
dispenser as drums. As sudden as tripping over the bare ground a waitress was
standing beside him. “Are you waiting for something?” her voice was almost
taunting.
“Yes,
in fact I was waiting for a menu.” Seiya growled through clenched teeth.
“Oh,”
the young women smiled, showing perfect teeth. “Well, here’s The Pizza Store’s
menu. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
As
Seiya scanned the lists of food the musical on television got even stranger.
The choir started singing a happy love song that dealt with pizza. During the
chorus a student dressed as the little Seizer guy was lowered by rope from the
ceiling. Seizer would sing “Pizza, pizza” after every line of the chorus. The
chorus went something like this:
Oh,
you know I love you (pizza pizza)
Your
tomato smile drives me wild (pizza pizza)
You
hair like melted cheese shines from the grease (pizza pizza)
I
love you, Pizza (pizza pizza)
When the waitress came back Seiya was cowering under the table with the menu draped over his head. “Um, excusez-moi. Are you ready to order Sir?”
“Oh
ya.” Seiya sat back in his chair and smoothed out his hair. “I’ll take a
hamburger and fries with that Pizza Surprise thing.”
“Anything
else Seiya?”
“Um….”
A
whisper voice cut in before Seiya could say anything. “Caviar and sushi would
be nice.”
Seiya
hadn’t heard the voice so he went on ordering.”…Orange soda would be nice.”
“Okay.
I’ll be back.” And the waitress sauntered away.
Seiya
took the opportunity to pretend to die as the little Seizer man walked out on
stage. Please no. Seiya thought
in horror. Little Seizer proudly began to sing an opera song. It started out
like this:
The
sight of all those toppings will make you go weak in the knees
Seiya was about to take refuge behind the coats when the waitress came back. “Here you are.” She was turning away when she suddenly turned back and made her face level with Seiya’s. “Want a breath mint?”
Seiya
backed away in shock and he kept shaking and nodding his head in turn. “Yes.”
Seiya finally found his voice.
“Oh
good. I’m glad you’re willing to try one.” And she carefully placed one in
Seiya’s out stretched hand.
Seiya
smiled politely he hucked it into the nearest garbage can where it exploded.
Seiya shuddered and turned to his food.
“Ahhhh!” a hand had appeared from behind a coat and was making its way over to
the sushi. “Sushi? Did I order that?” and Seiya smacked the hand.
It
pulled back in a hurry. Seiya smiled and thought of himself as brave. He took a
bite into his hamburger, and when he looked over the top of it he saw another
hand reaching for the caviar. “Woft? Noft anovur one.” And he smashed the hand
between his and the table top.
The hand jerked and pulled
and finally got away.” That’ll show you to mess with the Great Seiya Kou.” And
he shoved the rest of his hamburger into his mouth.
Chewing
carefully Seiya noticed the first hand finish snatching half the plate of
sushi. “Hey!” Seiya pulled two of the coats apart and looked behind them. He
looked up, to the sides, and down, but he didn’t see a thing. He shrugged and
moved on to the French fries.
The
television was turned up even louder at that moment. The choir was now singing
a song that went to the tune of “In The Jungle”. The background voices kept
chanting “Pizza Hut” while one part of the song went like this:
With
plenty of cheese
I
want pizza, a wondrous pizza
Oh
pretty, pretty please
Seiya blocked his view of the screen and concentrated on eating. He picked up a nice greasy French Fri and as quick as a person swallowing a swig of their pop it was gone. “Huh?” Seiya tried to find a reasonable explanation for all this when a hand shot out from behind a different coat and snagged a spoonful of caviar. “Hey! That was mine! Man, I must be spacing out because I don’t remember ordering caviar either.”
Keeping
an eye on the coats Seiya ate his pizza as fast as he possibly could. As
mysterious as a bomb dropping out of the sky the waitress was beside him.
“Would you like to try any of out desserts?”
Seiya
took a quick peek at the desert list on the menu and made his selection. “I’ll
have strawberry short cake, a piece of chocolate pie, a double fudge sundae,
and a vanilla ice cream. Put them in a box please.”
“As
you wish.” And the waitress was gone like a flash of lightning.
“I
wonder if she always moves that fast.” Seiya had the urge to look back at the
sushi and caviar and found that they were both gone. “Oh well, it isn’t like I
was going to eat all that anyway.”
The
choir was now singing the Pizza Hut song. “A Pizza Hut. A Pizza Hut. Kentucky
fried chicken and a Pizza Hut.”
“I
have got to get out of here. This
place is a nuthouse.”
“Here
you are Mister Kou. Would you please pay before you leave?” the waitress set
the box down in the middle if the table.
Well duh, while Seiya was paying the
waitress he didn’t notice the sound of a saw sawing away at a table.
“Arigatou.” The waitress bowed and left, this time slowly.
“I’m
gonna check and make sure the order is right.” And he flipped the lid of the
box open.
Seiya
squealed in surprise as four hands reached up towards his face. Seiya quickly
slammed the lid closed. Breathing in deeply Seiya decided he had better have
one last look. He looked in, and this time there was a pair of eyeballs looking
right at him. “Ahhh!” and before Seiya closed the lid he poked the big violet
eyes.
Seiya
was out the door like a person chased by ghosts. Two heads poked out from
beneath the table. One had chocolate pie, double fudge sundae, and caviar on
its face. The other hand strawberry shortcake, vanilla ice cream, and sushi on
his face. He was also rubbing his violet eyes. “That’s what you get for
actually looking at him Taiki.”
“I
know, but it was too tempting!” and the two of them broke out laughing.
They
cleaned off their faces and sighed. “I guess we had better be going home now
Yaten.” Taiki stretched.
Yaten
blinked his green eyes, smoothed out his long, white hair. “Why?”
The
Alki Concert Choir started another number then. It freaked the two young men
into jumping high into the air. They both were clinging on to two different
ceiling fans, and they were going around in circles as Taiki glared at Yaten.
“Did you really have to go and evoke their wrath?”
“I
didn’t mean to!” Yaten’s bright green eyes were brighter than normal. Of
coarse, they were bright with fear.
“Lets
get out of here!” they yelled together.
They
were down the street in a matter of milliseconds. When they were far away the
musical ended. The entire choir took a bow, and the Little Seizer guy took his
bow and sang out opera style “Pizza, pizza!”