Confide In Me Part 1/1 by Ricci tliebla@fh-koblenz.de Rating: PG-15, mildly lemon-scented (in my opinion at least!) Author's notes at bottom! The glass was cold against his hands as Kou Seiya lifted it up. Brown liquid swirled in it, reflecting his face eerily distorted. He raised the glass to his lips and emptied it in one gulp, feeling the familiar burn in his throat that gave way to a comfortable warm feeling. One too many, he reminded himself again, I should keep an eye on my drinking habits. He looked up from his place at the bar and let his eyes roam over the mass of silhouettes that crowded the night club. The music was too loud, but the visitors tried to communicate nonetheless, yelling, shrieking, hysterically laughing... torturing his aching nerves in the progress. 'Why do I come here at all?' he mused, his fingers playing absently with the empty whisky glass. His eyes fell on a group of women playing pool and drinking themselves senseless. Stars and starlets were all around him, some he knew, some he'd never seen before. They know what it's like to be 'popular', Seiya thought with bitter sarcasm. When you can't just go for a walk in the park, when those teenies see you and suddenly lose all common sense and you're reduced to prey for the autograph hunters. When you receive love letters from girls who think they know you just because they bought every paper that had your face on it. Yes, that's why I'm here. He motioned for the waitress to get him another whisky. She nodded wordlessly. He'd been here often enough for her to know his poison. As Seiya turned abruptly the world started spinning, and he pressed his hands against the table until the face of the waitress swam into focus again. From the movements of her lips he could tell that she asked him if he was alright but he didn't care. He had been drunk so many times lately that it made no difference anymore. The driver would be waiting outside and take him to his expensive hotel. Somehow Seiya would manage to get to his penthouse suite, insert this damned plastic card in the seemingly to small slot and then... silence. Yeah, damned right, silence is all that's waiting for me. he thought and downed his drink in one fluid motion. As soon as the room had stabilized enough around him he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door on shaky legs, staggering like a drunken sailor. When he crossed the dance floor, bodies pressed against him and the smell of cheap and expensive perfumes assaulted his nostrils. He fought his way through the crowd and reached for the door as if it was his last hope of survival. Of course the door was opened for him - you'd think a pop star had learned by now how to open a door, right? - and he found himself outside, the noise from inside barely audible. His driver spotted him and folded the newspaper he had been reading. Seiya took a deep breath, welcoming the fresh night air and sat down in the elegant leather seats of his black limousine. The driver closed the door and went around the car to his place behind the steering wheel. Seiya let his head fall back and stared unblinking at the ceiling of the car. Strange pattern there... if you try to see through it, it gets three dimensional... "To the hotel, sir?" Seiya didn't bother to look, a nod answered the question. He closed his eyes as he felt the car speed up and allowed his mind to torture him with memories. * * * * * * * * * * * Chiba Usagi was at home and busied herself with watching her husband's back. Nowadays that was a familiar sight. How he managed that, she wondered, how does he do it that I simply blend in with the rest of the furniture? She'd come to hate the sight of his head bowed over some scientific report that seemed to be more interesting than a talk with his wife. I am here!! she wanted to yell, I am alive! But she kept her mouth closed, kept it closed all those times when he didn't listen to her, didn't even acknowledge her presence. His work was important to him, and when he finally came to bed and met her accusing stare, he hurried to point out his duties to mankind, the value of his medical research obviously exceeding his love for her. No, she corrected herself, no, now I'm getting bitter. He still loves me... but he needs the intellectual challenge. Usagi sighed. Her parents had insisted that she got an education after school, and she had agreed. Now and then she still visited Juuban Kindergarten, breathing the loving atmosphere she had lived and worked in for three years. Moving to Nakagyo-ku, Kyoto-shi, had been hard for her. She left Rei and Makoto behind who promised to visit her as often as possible. Ami had flown in from Germany the last summer, spending two weeks with Usagi and Mamoru in Tokyo. She'd been different... all of them were different. Usagi felt tears rising from the back of her throat to her eyes. Sometimes she wished for some evil enemy to show up, threaten Tokyo and ... She felt ashamed for such thoughts. But it had been so long that they had fought side by side, sharing this strong bond that vibrated through their lives, uniting their hearts. Sailor Moon wasn't needed anymore. Never again they would be as close as they were in their highschool times. They would always care for each other, but nothing would ever be able to bring back those moments. Usagi's thoughts returned to the present, to the sounds of rustling papers. "I'm going to bed." she announced to his back. He nodded slowly, absently. Usagi stood up and headed for the bedroom. When she had reached the doorway she heard him say "Don't wait for me... could get late today..". Yeah. Today like everyday. * * * * * * * * * * Seiya kicked the door closed and loosened his tie. He left the light out and stumbled over a chair on his way to the bedroom. "Shit! Stupid...!" His words sounded slurred in his own ears. He felt the urge to throw up but repressed it by curling up on his kingsize bed. From his position he had a clear view out of the huge window reaching from floor to ceiling, one of the main reasons he had taken this special penthouse. He could see the full moon illuminating the night sky. The stars were glittering... His eyes went out of focus. The stars... The pain blossomed on Seiya's cheek, his head aching from the hard impact of Yaten's hand. "Stop it right there!!" Yaten's angry words cut through his depressive haze like a hot knife. "No." Taiki's voice."Let him be, Yaten. Violence solves nothing." "But how dare he- " "It's his decision. If he can live with it, then we have to live with it, too." Seiya slowly raised his head and watched his brothers - no, sisters - argue over him. They seemed so distant suddenly. So far away and out of reach. They'll never understand... "Seiya, where are you going?" Taiki sounded worried, like most of the time she talked to him. And he knew that she dreaded his answer. Seiya opened his mouth to respond, but Yaten was faster. "Why do you care? He's no longer one of us. Go! Fine with us!!" Seiya knew the last was uttered in anger and frustration, but it hurt nonetheless. Yaten stormed off, muttering incoherently to herself. Quietly Seiya turned and looked at Taiki, who regarded him with an unreadable expression. "Taiki... I-" "If you have to go, then there's nothing Yaten or I or even the princess can do about it. As I said, it is your decision and yours alone. But... I can understand why Yaten reacts the way she does. After all those numerous fights... now, that we finally are home and safe... why can't you appreciate what we achieved? The princess is safe and Kinmoku is slowly but surely recovering from its wounds. We have everything our hearts desire -" Seiya shook his head. "No. _You_ have all you desire... I had to leave behind the most precious thing..." Suddenly Taiki stood in front of him, her eyes staring questioningly into his. "Usagi... is out of reach, Seiya. Always is and always will be - " "How can you say that!" Seiya found himself shaking with anger. "She - I - ..." Unbidden tears sprang to his eyes, and he swallowed hard, hoping that Taiki hadn't noticed. But she had, and the next moment Seiya found himself in her arms, his head resting on the taller woman's shoulder. His surprise at this uncharac- teristic display of emotion soon drowned in the tears that burned hot on his cheeks. "Seiya - don't... please don't... " He let go of Taiki and took his sister's hands into his own. Taiki's eyes shimmered with emotion. "I have to go, Taiki... please understand..." Now that he had actually spoken those words the way lay crystal clear before him. "I have to go back to earth. I can't deny this... this love... it's eating at me every day, every second... please, Taiki, please tell Yaten - " "Oh, and what shall I tell him?? That you neglect your duties once again and leave us to protect this planet and our princess alone? That you care more for some earth girl who is not even interested in you than you care for your own flesh and blood? I tell you what, Seiya. I think you can't let go. Why else would you insist to keep this male body? Stop torturing yourself and return to reality. This is your life. This is your destiny. You were born to be our leader...your duty lies here with Kinmoku and princess Kakyuu." Seiya turned and went to the balcony of Yaten's room. The windows were open and a soft breeze cooled his forehead, caressing his face and filling the air with the sweet odor of flowers. Taiki is right... this is my home... my roots reach deep into Kinmoku's heart and are intertwined with this planet's future... and yet... Hope and happiness go by the name of Tsukino Usagi. "I can't stay." Seiya faced Taiki again, a little bit taken aback that his words sounded so strong, even to his own ears. He reached into the pocket of his trousers and fished for the prepared letter. "Please give this to the princess and tell Yaten-" "No, I won't." interrupted him Taiki quietly, her eyes downcast. "You'll have to do this yourself." With that she left, silently closing the door behind her. Seiya felt all turmoil vanish, a calm clarity filled his mind. He placed the letter carefully on Yaten's desk, touched the cool wooden surface - for the last time, he realized. "Goodbye..." In a flash he was gone. The stars... what are Yaten and Taiki doing right now? Do they miss me like I miss them? Seiya wondered as he pulled his dress shirt off and threw it where he assumed his chair would be. For some reason he suddenly longed to feel the night wind on his face. He was still reeling with the effects of the alcohol, but he made it to the balcony without hurting himself. Ah, that's better. Seiya sighed and inhaled sharply, feeling the cold air filling his lungs. Usagi... He'd seen her once, in downtown Juuban, clinging to the arm of her beloved Mamoru. Her eyes had been shining with joy and excitement, her whole being had radiated happiness. Seiya had hidden in the shadows quickly. So he had only fooled himself. He had always known that Usagi loved Mamoru with all her heart, but still he had hoped she'd reserve some space in her heart for him, too. Stupid fool, he cursed himself. He had watched them until he lost sight of them. Then he had gone. His comeback had been fantastic. From the balcony he could see the giant poster that announced his next concert. Four months to go and already all the tickets were sold out. He had desperately clung to the hope that the music would fill the void in his soul. His songs vibrated with his love for Usagi, and he gave himself completely to the music, hoping she'd hear and understand. And one day she had been there - accompanied by Mamoru. "Seiya!" Her embrace made him dizzy and wishing for more, her whole essence shone like a star and reached the dark corner of his soul where he had hidden. But when he opened his eyes, he saw Mamoru watching him, smiling. It was this smile that expressed his trust and faith in his beloved - and fiancée, as Seiya came to know soon - that destroyed Seiya's last hope of ever winning Usagi's love. All the words that had rushed to his lips when he had seen her tumbled back into darkness, and instead they had talked about this and that, about Ami's decision to study medicine in Germany, about Minako's world tour as part of a dancing ensemble, about the sushi bar Makoto had opened along with a friend of hers, about Rei's invitation to a philosophical congress where she spoke about the spiritual concepts of Shinto. Seiya had been surprised to hear that Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna and Hotaru had gone to Europe, to Switzerland, where Michiru played and taught violin in a quite famous conservatoire. Small talk. Never would he have imagined that his first talk with Usagi would be this casual, this... meaningless. To be a teenage idol, he had answered when she asked him why he had returned to earth, and they both had laughed. After she had gone, he had hidden like a wounded animal and cried, regretting that he left Kinmoku for a fleeting hope. But he hadn't had the guts to return. And as long as this teeny tiny spark of hope kept nagging him, he wouldn't go. He loved her too much. Oh great, Seiya thought sarcastically, now I'm drowning in self-pity again. He longed for a bottle of alcohol, no matter what, just anything to kill his thoughts. * * * * * * * * * * * * * Four o'clock. And Mamoru had left the house one hour ago. That in itself was nothing new, he often drove to the lab late in the night (or early in the morning) to get some test result or report or whatever. Usagi was past the point where she cared. She felt the anger build until it was a white, hot, raging fury, and she knew she had to do something _now_ before it would burn her. With a swift motion she swept the sheets aside and set on the task of getting dressed. I'm outta here. No time for a woman to be out on the streets on her own, she mused as she strolled down the empty lane. The tension had left her after ten minutes of walking fast. The night was so beautiful, the moon bright and full in the sky and the stars glittering like diamonds. I should know better... Despite her thoughts she took the first train to Tokyo, her newly acquired credit card coming in handy. As she sat in the shinkansen she wondered if Mamoru would notice that she was gone. Most probably not before five, when he finally decided to go to bed. Usually he joined her in bed around two or three, but the last weeks had been full of discoveries, agitated dis- cussions with his colleagues and arguments about specifiations. Not for me, she thought bitterly. What is left of the bright future I always dreamed of? Where did it go? All I do now is play the nice little wife, cooking and cleaning and entertaining his scientist friends. She still loved him, very much so. But there's only so much a woman can take... she had to smile as she thought this. I'm sounding like one of those women magazines! A bubbling laugh rose in her throat and she let it out, her contagious laughter greeting the rising sun. Two and a half hours later she arrived in Tokyo, starting to have a bad conscience that she left without a note. Mamoru would be worried, and he would never guess that she went home. She gasped. Home... yes, this was home. Kyoto never was, she had never stopped thinking of Juuban as home. At a corner she bought some ramen and had a nice chat with the old man on the other side of the counter. She felt cheerful. * * * * * * * * * * * * * His head hurt like hell. Guess I'll have to submit to Suzuki-san's ramblings about 'looking relaxed' again, Seiya thought as he raised his head and swallowed some times to get that awful taste out of his mouth. The shower proved once again to be the greatest achievement of humanity. Some of last night's tension flowed off of him and he stretched leisurely. Time to face another day. He left the appartment without breakfast and told his driver that he'd take a walk, laughing in his chauffeur's surprised face. And destiny decided to interfere. There she stood. There he was... "Seiya ?!?" "Odango..." She laughed and he felt a silly smile spread on his face. "Odango... what are you doing here?? I thought- I thought -" "And I thought you'd be happy to see me!" He grinned at her and they both started to laugh. His heart skipped a beat as he looked into those blue eyes, bound forever. "I'm glad you're here." he said warmly and reached for her hand. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and sobered somewhat from her good mood. "I just wanted to see Juuban again... Kyoto is so far away... and I miss being here. But I never would have thought I'd meet you here this early! Where are you headed?" "Oh, nowhere... just have a major headache and thought some fresh air might help." He tried not to grimace when his head reminded him just how bad this headache was. Usagi regarded him slightly worried. "I'm sorry about that. You look tired. Are you all right?" He hurried to nod before she got any ideas. "Yeah, yeah... too much alcohol at the party last night. Everything's fine, Odango." Usagi pouted and tried to sound irritated. "Stop calling me that! My name is..." She paused. "...Chiba Usagi." Seiya finished for her, the smile gone from his face. "Does he know you're here? Did he come, too?" He was relieved when she shook her head. "Then what _are_ you doing here? Visiting your parents?" Great, Seiya, ask holes into her head. He slapped himself mentally. "Can we go to the Crown Fruit Parlor?" Usagi asked in return. He gazed into her eyes and was lost again. * * * * * * * * * * * * * Mamoru sighed. He was exhausted. "Usako... where are you? Where did you go?" Despair flowed through his veins. It's my fault... I should have paid attention... Why didn't she leave a note? Mamoru picked up the phone and started dialing. After calling her few friends in Nakagyo he decided to try Rei and Makoto. Surely she hadn't gone all the way to Tokyo in the middle of the night... or had she? "Hai... moshi moshi?" Seemingly he had woken her. "Hello Rei-san... it's me, Mamoru." Hundreds of miles away Rei gripped the tele- phone tighter. "Mamoru-san? Is anything wrong?" "... I don't know. Did you - did you see Usako? I mean - did she call you? Tell you she wanted to come for a visit?" Rei frowned. Something was definitely not right. "No, I haven't seen her or heard from her. Why? Mamoru-san... did you two have a fight?" Mamoru felt exhaustion wash over him once more. "No, we didn't have a fight. Listen, I'll call you if I know where she is... would that be fine with you? And I'm very sorry I woke you up." "You can call any time, Mamoru-san. And yes, give me a call. Maybe you should try her parents...?" "No, I think I'll look for her myself. Don't want to worry her parents over nothing." If it is nothing, Rei thought. "Okay... Bye, Mamoru-san." "Goodbye, Rei-san." Mamoru's head felt like it was filled with lead. He called Makoto, but she hadn't seen Usako either. Where could she be? Why did she go? She had seemingly just vanished from the surface of the earth. Where could she be? Why was she this angry? _Was_ she angry at all or was it something different? He knew he'd neglected her during the past two weeks. He frowned as his look fell onto the calendar on his desk. Seven weeks?!? It had been seven weeks already? He had totally lost track of time. No wonder she was angry with him. But this project... it was so important to him. If they succeeded no child would ever suffer from the flu again. Surely Usako understood how important that was... Have I ever told her about this? he wondered suddenly. No. I haven't. Mamoru covered his face with his hands and hoped that she would return to him and be alright. * * * * * * * * * * * Seiya looked at Usagi over his cup of coffee. She stared outside through the window, seemingly lost in thought. He knew her, could read her like a book. "Odango.... no, Usagi." She turned her head and smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "Come on, tell me. There's something wrong, right? And I bet it has to do with Mamoru-san. You can tell me." The smile left her face in an instant. Now she looked really sad, her eyes downcast, her hands nervously fiddling with the seam of her shirt. "It's... I...." Seiya waited patiently for her to continue, but she didn't. Just when he decided to ask once again she looked up and smiled again. "Seiya... are you busy today?" He shook his head, a slight frown forming on his forehead. "No, not really. I have an appointment in about one hour, but I'll cancel it, it's not important. Why?" "Let's go somewhere... let's have some fun! Please?" Even if I regret this later... Seiya thought. He grinned widely. "Sure... Odango!" "AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!!" They both left the café laughing, Usagi clinging to his left arm. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Ooooohhh.... Seiyaaa...." "Getting dizzy already?" "Oooh.... " Usagi averted her eyes from the giant screen that showed a flight over and through the Grand Canyon from the pilot's perspective. "It looks sooo realistic! As if I'm flying the plane!" Seiya laughed. "It's a good thing you're not, otherwise we'd surely crash!!" Usagi pouted playfully, only to grin mischievously a second later. "And if you were flying, we'd crashed already." "Huh?" "'Cause you're looking at me and not where you're flying!" He didn't laugh as she had expected him to. His eyes locked with hers... as if he was searching something, Usagi thought. He looks so serious... her heart started to beat faster at the look in Seiya's eyes. She felt trapped. She opened her mouth to make a funny comment, anything to ease the tension, but his finger on her lips stopped her. "Don't." Seiya said quietly, his eyes never leaving hers. Usagi saw her face reflected in his eyes. They were so blue... Mamo-chan...not like his. Mamo-chan's are... stormy... All coherent thought was wiped from her mind when Seiya suddenly leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. After a second she drew back in shock. Immediately Seiya's face fell and he looked away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you... discomfort." Usagi shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I know... how you feel about me... and... and it was mean to...tease...." All humour was gone, and they both left the movie tent in silence. Usagi looked around, took in the people already crowding the fun park this early and sighed. "Can we go... somewhere quiet?" Seiya nodded hesitantly, not sure what to make of this. "My appartment is not very far from here... if you feel comfortable going there." "I trust you." Usagi said softly, feeling the truth of her words. This time they didn't touch as they walked. After a while Seiya started to talk, about his work and his songs and the fans... safer ground, avoiding Mamoru or his feelings for Usagi. Usagi was impressed at the expensive hotel. Unconsciously she reached for his hand and took it into hers. Seiya felt his heart beating faster. What am I going to do? She is so beautiful... and I love her... so much... Is it really a good idea to take her to my appartment? Where we are alone... He swallowed. I'm in control I'm in control. I'll listen to her and try to help her if she has any problems. As... a friend. And nothing more. The elevator slowly came to a halt when they had reached the penthouse. The doors slid open and revealed a luxurious living room, sparsely but elegantly furnished. Usagi breathed an "Ohh..." and went to the window. "That's a breathtaking view, Seiya! You can see the whole city!" "Not all of it, but I do admit at night it looks fantastic." He smiled when he saw her press her nose to the window like a little child. "Do you want something to drink?" She shook her head, still ad- miring the view. Seiya poured himself some coke and noticed the low level of fluid in most of the wine bottles. He felt guilty and closed the mini bar quickly. His coke in one hand he let himself fall into the black leather couch in the middle of the room and stretched groaning. Usagi turned around and sat down on the couch opposite to his. "Usagi... please tell me what is bothering you. And don't tell me it's nothing. You can't wear that face and say everything's fine." "Seiya... why did you really come back here? Was it because of me?" He thought he was going to die then and there. Thoughts raced through his mind, missing my career, missing my friends, missing Tokyo. But that he would never do. Lie to her... "Yes." he answered quietly and looked down. The world stopped breathing for a second and his heart skipped a beat. Now the arkwardness would descend upon them. She'd start to fiddle with her ring, he wouldn't know what to say, and everything would be ruined. The familiar unshed tears stung his eyes. Why was fate so cruel? "Seiya.... I missed you..." The words were whispered, but they vibrated through Seiya's body until they shook his core. He raised his eyes and looked into the heaven of her sky-blue eyes. They radiated warmth and compassion and something else he couldn't quite place, but he didn't care. Love burned in his veins as he took her hands and drew her into a tight embrace, burying his face in her golden hair. Her rosy scent arose around him, and he felt like finally returning home. Seiya closed his eyes and concentrated on her body touching his. "I love you..." He whispered, afraid that this would break everything, that she would turn away now and leave forever. But she didn't. Her face wore a strange expression and her eyes gazed into his. He couldn't take it any longer. Her lips were so soft against his. So warm. She didn't draw back or struggle. Instead she surprised him by kissing him back. His heart hammered against his ribs, a feeling like electricity shot through his veins and left him dizzy and wanting more. Without breaking the kiss he drew her into his arms again, caressing her back with his hands, savouring in the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest. And there... her hand. Hesitant at first... But then she nestled with the bond that held his ponytail and he felt his hair flow freely down his back. He moaned softly, her lips still on his, when she started to massage his scalp. His right hand slid down her back until it rested on her firm buttock as he gently squeezed. Usagi gasped and her kiss became more frantic, her tongue swirling over his lips. Seiya could have died from the ecstacy. He wanted to ask her so many things, why she suddenly changed her mind, if she broke up with Mamoru and why... but he couldn't stop kissing her, not for the life of him. He scooped her up into his arms, smiling at her surprised gasp, and carried her to the bedroom. Usagi banished all thought from her mind and gave herself completely to Seiya. An image of Mamoru, moaning on top of her, flickered before her mind's eye, only to tumble into blackness again. All that mattered to her now was this second, this feeling of being loved and needed and... desirable. Seiya kissed her face, her softly curved forehead, her little nose, her closed eyelids, her chin and her cheeks and finally again her rosy lips. This is a dream, he thought, this has... has to be a dream... But here she was, underneath him, caressing his chest and slipping her hands under his shirt. He felt his nipples harden at her touch and moaned, louder, when she kissed his throat. He sat up and ripped his shirt open, not caring about the buttons. Cool air hit his naked chest, eliciting goose bumps from his skin. And then the world stopped turning. Usagi broke away from him with a sob. She embraced herself and stumbled to the window, resting her forehead on the cool glass while silent tears flowed from her eyes. "I'm.... I'm so-sorry... please... I didn't mean to....." Seiya's heart beat wildly before it shattered into tiny pieces at her words. The pieces tore at his flesh and made it difficult to breathe somehow. He felt numb. Usagi turned around and faced him. Despair radiated from her eyes, despair and a plea for forgiveness. She took a shuddering breath and stepped closer to the bed. When she reached out her hand to touch Seiya's he drew it hastily away. "Please..." he said quietly, his voice sounding as empty as he felt. "Please, don't make it... worse..." Usagi felt ashamed and dirty and ugly. How could she do this to a friend? How could she abuse him in such a way? "I am sorry, Seiya." He flinched when she whispered his name. "I... I didn't want... didn't mean to..." His emotions were fighting a fierce battle in his mind. Anger - no, white hot fury battled against an aching feeling of love for this woman, despair fought against hope, and he felt like he would drown in this ocean of turmoil. But then he reached the eye of the storm and he knew what he had to do. Seiya looked up at Usagi. She was surprised by what she saw in his eyes. Bitterness she had expected there, maybe even hate. "Usagi. It's me who has to apologize. I - I....know that your heart belongs to Mamoru, and that he is the one you truly love... but... but I got carried away with my feelings. You know I love you, _I_ know you do...still... I am sorry." He felt his thoughts clear and his heartbeat calming. It was right. Usagi looked at him and her heart went out to him. To be so generous though she had hurt his feelings, bruised his heart.... Tears shimmered in her eyes and finally she allowed herself to break down. "Oh Seiya!" She covered her face with her hands and sobbed helplessly. Seiya took her into his arms and tried to soothe her. He felt strange. He still loved her, he always would. But he knew it could never be more than just friendship. Still... "Usagi... won't you tell me now what happened between you and Mamoru-san?" he asked softly. He could feel her nodding. Reluctantly he let her go. She sniffed for a moment and seemed to collect her thoughts, gazing through him. "It was... it is... really, it's nothing serious... I just... I just..." Seiya waited patiently for her to continue. Usagi took a deep breath. "I think it just started when... when he began to work on this new project of his. Something about a virus, I'm not really sure though. He used to tell me what he was working on, you know..." She smiled bitterly. "Anyway, he... I... I waited so long for him, every evening, and he... he never called saying he'd be late. And when he finally was home he just brought his work with him." Usagi felt the long surpressed anger rise once again, it flooded and filled her. "He ignored me! Okay, I know I'm stupid, I don't understand one thing about all this science stuff. But that's no reason to shut me out! Yeah, he shut me out all the time! I bet he doesn't even know what I was doing all those weeks!!" The last was shouted in pure rage, shocking Seiya more than the display of depression before. "Sometimes I wonder if he still cares..." whispered Usagi, now staring at her feet. Her eyes were filled with emptiness. When she looked up again there were again tears in her eyes. "What did I do wrong? What made him turn away from me?" Seiya took her in his arms once more and held her as she sobbed quietly. Mamoru-san... "Usagi... you don't know if he's been shutting you out for real. Maybe he was just too engrossed in his work. Maybe he didn't realize just how much he hurt you. Why didn't you talk with him about it?" "Oh yeah. Like I never tried. I did!! I just never got his attention!!" Usagi stood up and paced the floor. Seiya watched her, wondering if Mamoru could ever make it up to her. He squashed the little voice who mocked him with images of Usagi in his arms, breathless kisses... you can have her, my friend. You could... * * * * * * * * * * Mamoru was desperate. He couldn't find her. He tried to listen to his senses, they had always been very finely attuned to Usako's presence, but they were silent. How could I let this happen?? How could I ignore the obvious? He realized that self-accusations got him nowhere. But I can't sit around and do nothing. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door. The rain was pouring down on him as he walked the streets aimlessly, but he didn't mind. It just suited his mood. Mamoru knew he was the one to blame for this turn of events. And deep down he had always known that someday it would come to this. How could he ever let his work gain more importance than his one true love? I wanted to help those kids... I only wanted to help... there was no one to hear his excuse. No one there. Mamoru felt tears stinging his eyes. I never wanted to be alone again. I never... His eyes fell on a large poster in the window of one of the shops and his eyes widened as he remembered the words of a voice a long time ago. "Mamoru-san? Take good care of Usagi, you hear me? Or I will come back and take over this job!" She wouldn't go there... or would she? He started to run. * * * * * * * * * * * Usagi sat beside Seiya on his couch and held a glass of water in her hands. Seiya had offered it silently, and they hadn't spoken since that. "I guess I should call him." she said quietly, her eyes downcast. "I guess you should." answered Seiya and took the mobile phone from its place next to the couch. He laid it in front of her on the little glass table and stretched. "I think I'll go down to the bar and make some calls from there." Usagi raised her gaze. "I don't want to be a bother..." "You aren't." Seiya told her and smiled. He knew they would work out whatever there was between them. After all, they were destined to be together, weren't they? Somehow it sounded hollow to his own ears, and it didn't help resolving the hate he felt for Mamoru-san. Usagi heard the quiet click of the door and knew Seiya was gone. For some reason her hands were shaking when she picked up the phone and dialed the number. After letting the phone ring for one minute she gave up. He's not home... maybe he's searching for me? But he'll never guess I have gone ho- not home... have come here. Fear gripped her. What am I going to do? What the hell am I going to do... * * * * * * * * * * * * It had started to rain somewhere along the trip to Tokyo. The raindrops splashed against the windows of the highspeed train as it hurried to its destination, leaving long wet streaks on the slightly tinted glass. Mamoru leaned his head against the cushion of his first class seat. He felt empty. Empty and guilty for not realizing where his ambitions had led him. As he closed his eyes he wondered briefly what a life without Usagi would look like. Yeah, he still could go on pursuing that marvelous career as a scientist. He'd still be able to help those kids, help mankind, create a better world... a world that would have no place for Chiba Mamoru, the lost boy looking for a home. Home was where Usagi was... and his life would be meaningless without her. Trees and bushes flew by, suburbs and small cottages. In front of Mamoru sat an old man sipping green tea. Everything felt unreal. I hope I still get there in time... thought Mamoru. He wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but he felt an urgency to get to Juuban as if his life depended on how fast he got there. Usagi... * * * * * * * * * * * * Usagi cradled the mobile phone to her chest that felt as if it was going to burst and shatter. He was not there. Hysteria was close, she could feel it rising up in the back of her throat, all the guilt... She gulped and turned around to look out of the window. I can't take it back... what have I done? How could I betray him so? The tears were there, silently coursing down her cheeks. It seems all I can do nowadays is hurt the people I love, she thought bitterly. How can he forgive me? Can I forgive him? Can I forgive myself? And Seiya... Her cheeks felt cold from the tears. I'm so cold. And heartless. Selfish. She remembered. Sailor Moon.... protecting her friends..... giving her life to save them.... I'm not Sailor Moon anymore. There was so much bitterness and anger, so many hidden tears and frustration. If she let it all come out now it would devour her whole. How could she make it up to Seiya and Mamoru? She stared into space, her eyes unfocused. Life used to be so... easy. So careless and free and full of hope and dreams. Where did my dreams go? Where did Mamoru's dreams go? Is this the life I want to live? Is there something else, something better that awaits us? It used to be black and white. Someone to blame, someone at fault, apologies and clear skies afterwards. This isn't about guilt and there's no one to blame, she realized with a start. This is a relationship, where two people share their feelings, their hopes and fears. It takes two to make it work, and it takes two _not_ to make it work. The tears were drying on her cheeks. Usagi closed her eyes and felt the familiar bittersweet flame of love fill every vein, every fiber of her being. This is who I am. This is who I want to be. I'm just a half... without the other half I'm incomplete. A new determination rose inside of her, and once again her eyes were as soaring blue as midsummer days' skies. * * * * * * * * * * * * Mamoru elbowed his way through another crowd. He had long since stopped caring if he hurt someone. All that mattered now was getting to the hotel on time. It had him taken long enough to find out where Seiya lived and to convince his manager that he was _not_ another one of those fanatics who tried every now and then to break into Seiya's appartment just to steal all of his underwear. It was disgusting... for a brief moment he wondered why Seiya chose to live that way. All such thoughts left his mind as suddenly the luxurious exterior of the hotel loomed into his sight. His heart hammered against his ribs as if he was on his first date. But I am... he reminded himself. This is new ground. I only hope it's not new battleground... The hall was crowded, but that escaped him. All he could see was a pair of piercing blue eyes staring into his own. As Mamoru had entered the hall, Seiya had turned around to leave the bar, and their eyes had met immediately. Mamoru couldn't tell what the other man felt. There were so many emotions in Seiya's eyes, whirling and mixing too fast to tell what they were. Mamoru slowly walked the last meters until he stood in front of Seiya. Seiya smirked. "Oh, Mamoru-san. Come back to reclaim your property?" Sarcasm dripped from his words, and his eyes glared daggers at the older man. Mamoru stayed calm. "It is good to see you, Kou-san." Seiya flinched at the formal title. "Is Usagi here?" All the voices in Seiya's head screamed to tell Mamoru to go to hell, to hurt him the way Seiya hurt now, because it was all Mamoru's fault and his alone. But Usagi's face floated before his mind's eye, and he opened his mouth and found that he couldn't, wouldn't interfere. Mamoru saw Seiya's expression soften and the burning hatred he had felt seconds before leave his eyes. Something was pressed into the palm of his left hand, and when he looked down, he found a white plastic card. "She's in my appartment. The penthouse." Seiya said softly. Sadness flickered in his smile as he saw hope rising in Mamoru's eyes. "Thank you." It was barely a whisper, but it drowned out all other noises in Seiya's mind. He coudn't begin to describe the emotions in these two words, the eternities of love echoing, and it all came down to him in a clear moment where the dark clouds around him lifted and got carried away as the light found him and filled him with the truth. Mamoru had turned around in direction of the elevators as Seiya called him. "Mamoru-san!" Mamoru turned again. Seiya stood unmoving amidst the crowd of hectic people. Every little detail engraved itself in Mamoru's mind, the way Seiya held himself, the lopsided grin, the sparkling blue eyes, the delicate hands. In this moment Mamoru realized that Seiya was a beautiful being. And that this would be the last time he ever saw him. Seiya watched the realization dawn in Mamoru's eyes. Here it comes to an end.......... His grin faded and he raised his hand. "I won't be here when you come back. There's no job for me here after all." Mamoru nodded slowly and also raised his hand. His eyes radiated respect. Seiya vanished in the crowd. * * * * * * * * * * * * The rain had softened to a light drizzle before Usagi's eyes. Her fingers rested on the cool window glass as she contemplated what to do. Her despair was gone, replaced by a soothing calmness. So she didn't flinch as she heard the front door open. "Usako.." The voice reverberated though the room and set her heart ablaze. Oh so slowly she turned around and found what she had thought was lost forever in Mamoru's eyes. "You have come for me..." She remembered a time long gone, when she would have flung herself into his arms with a sob, when he would have consoled her and dried her tears. She crossed the space between them with several long strides and stood in front of him. A smile curved her lips as she took his face into her hands and kissed his forehead. Mamoru caught her hands between his and found himself in her eyes again. "I love you." * * * * * * * * * * * * It was night on the other side of the world as a child watched a red shooting star vanish into the depths of the universe. ~The End.~ Author's notes: Now THAT was a roller coaster ride... I believe this story had me emotionally involved like no other I have ever written before. I hope You don't feel offended by the "love-scene" between Seiya and Usagi, heck, _I_ firmly believe in the Usagi-Mamoru-pairing, I just can't imagine Usagi with someone else. I thought it would be important for Seiya to have felt her in his arms, to know what it feels like to hold in order to finally make the decision to let her go. Tell me if You have a different opinion, my dealing with the Seiya-Mamoru-Usagi triangle is far from over, and I cherish every comment!! You can reach me under tliebla@fh-koblenz.de. I even promise to answer all Your questions!!!^_~ Thank You very much for reading this story. And thanks to all of You who supported me, You know who You are! P.S.: THANK YOU, ALISON!!!!! If You feel like visiting another Sailor Moon-Homepage, go to http://members.xoom.com/weepingcat/ Large picture gallery there!