What Dreams May Come ~ Taiki

‘What Dreams May Come’

Why did it have to rain so much here? The question would never be answered since it had never escaped his lips. The solitude of the day had crept up on him and began eating away at his mind. Images of a bright and sunny day filtered through the gray somber thoughts.

As though he was there again, he could hear the bird’s song high above in a nearby tree. The air was sweet, the sensation that it created as it crossed his senses sent his head back to bask in this moment. There were truly not enough of these moments in life, the ones when you know you are truly happy. But why was he happy now?

Shielding his eyes from the bright afternoon sun, a golden light that was closer to Earth caught his eye. There in the distance two long blond pigtails streamed by him. “Sailor Moon…” He whispered to himself coming from his trance.

“Taiki!”

The sudden voice broke his daydream bringing the world of damp gray back around him. Taiki turned from the windowpane catching a slight glint from the reflection of his purple iris. His mind had been slipping entirely way too often these days. His vision came to rest on Yaten standing at the doorway soaked through and through. He knew immediately what this was going to do to Yaten’s mood, let alone patients.

“Where the hell were you?” Yaten asked seeming more than pissed off. The brunet didn’t answer and only stood from his seat on the couch. Yaten, being not too happy with the response he was receiving, questioned his taller companion once more. “Where were you? Kakyuu was extremely worried about you that and on top of what Seiya did, did not make for a pleasant afternoon.” His statement trailed off to a mutter as he walked to the bathroom to dry his hair.

The sunshine came back and soon Usagi was standing before him on her tiptoes. All thoughts of Yaten had disappeared. “Taiki?” Her petite hand waved before his purple hues. “Hello? Earth to Taiki? Are you in there?” She giggled a bit at her own statement.

How that laughter affected him, inside he wanted to cave and join her in her amusement, but restrained himself. “What have you been eating now?” He asked as she withdrew her hand from his face. The words always came out harsher than he intended, but perhaps it was a good thing.

“Oh… how could you tell I had been eating something?” She asked tilting her head slightly to the side. Her school uniform stirred a bit around her as the wind picked up slightly.

“There’s chocolate all over your hands.” Taiki pointed out as he pushed his way past her. He needed to stay away from her and focus on finding Kakyuu, but oh what a distraction she made.

Lightning crashed streaking through the dreary sky. “You’ve been zoning out a lot lately, are you sure you’re alright?” Yaten asked setting a hot cup of tea in front of Taiki.

“Hm?” Taiki asked realizing that he hadn’t blinked his eyes in quite some time. “Me? I’m fine.”

A curious look adorned Yaten’s face but as he was about to question the subject matter further, the door to their apartment opened to reveal a very wet Seiya. It didn’t look as though he had tried to cover himself at all from the elements outside. His t-shirt was clinging to his body and his jeans hung off him like a heavy weight. Closing the door behind him he wrung out his ponytail onto the hard wood floor.

Now normally Yaten would have jumped at the chance to chew him out for such an action but the silver haired man stayed silent, which only peeked Taiki’s curiosity. Yaten had mentioned a quirk in Seiya’s behavior earlier… “Are you two not on speaking terms again?” Taiki asked continuing to enjoy his tea.

Yaten threw a sideways glance at his questioner but soon returned them to Seiya until he disappeared into his room. “He can’t control it any more.” Taiki knew exactly what Yaten was referring to, Seiya’s anger. “Today at the meeting of the council, the Rook made mention of our inability to protect the princess. From there I guess you could say Seiya just lost it.”

Their companion had never quite been the same since they had returned home to Kinmoku. A love once lost had now turned to bitterness and anger. No longer the carefree soul that he had once been, Seiya had become a very feared warrior and was usually avoided when at all possible by everyone but Kakyuu and the Lights.

Usagi wasn’t going to let him slip away that easily and trailed closely behind him. “Taiki why do you always avoid me?”

“I’m not avoiding you Tsukino, I simply have more important issues biding my time.” It was the truth and a lie at the same time. True, there were more important issues, finding Kakyuu, their princess. Then again, he was beginning to think that he would drop anything for just a second more of her time.

Usagi’s steps slowed as she became discouraged. “You see me as being stupid don’t you?”

Taiki stopped in his place. That wasn’t at all how he saw her, it was just the opposite. Often at times he found himself being completely jealous of her and her naivety, it would be great to be blissfully unaware of the atrocities of man.

“Odango!”

“And enters the hero…” Taiki muttered as he heard Seiya approaching them from behind. Usagi didn’t answer him but continued to stare at Taiki’s back. Was she actually expecting him to say something?

Usagi was never going to be with Seiya, it was clear as day, but once again jealousy took over Taiki as he saw the friendship they had between them. No it wasn’t just the time they shared, the secrets he knew that were passed between them… it was the way Seiya allowed himself to become indulged in that world, in his love.

Taiki knew he could never let himself go like that, he could never be so blinded by an emotion that his mission escaped him. This purity of Seiya’s emotions shown through in whatever he did and portrayed him in a light that he knew no other to possess.

“You should probably go and say something to him.” Yaten’s voice cut into his mind once again causing Taiki’s hand to jerk and spill some liquid onto his hand. It had become cold and he knew that one had taken him from reality for a while.

The tallest of the Lights stood to take his dishes into the kitchen. “I don’t think he needs to hear anything from me.”

“You know that it’s all because of her.” Yaten stood to join him, some one needed to go and speak to Seiya and Taiki could hold his anger in longer than Yaten could ever dream to think.

The dishes fell into the sink rather roughly. “It is not her fault, don’t bring her into this.” He said as though he was defending her. Yaten’s puzzled expression told him well enough that he had crossed a line. “Seiya needs to come to terms with the rest of his life.”

“Come to terms with the rest of his life?” Yaten questioned. “He’s picked apart ever small piece of himself and questioned it. His motives and drive are gone, he thinks that nothing he does is good enough, but when confronted or challenged like he was today he blows up and insists just the opposite.”

“Well, maybe he isn’t good enough then.” The blunt statement wasn’t retracted as Taiki let it hang in the air.

Yaten’s eyes narrowed as he sized Taiki up. “We are together through this, we support one another…” His voice was stern and lecturing as he stood in Taiki’s path of escape. “Who else better to protect the princess than ourselves?”

“Perhaps we aren’t good enough to protect the princess…”

He wanted to be the hero so badly as he watched Seiya come up and present a handkerchief to Usagi to wipe her hands. He didn’t have any of those qualities… the charm, charisma, athletic physique, spirit… Weren’t those the things that made up a hero? He would never be what she needed to see.

Usagi’s mood brightened immediately with Seiya’s presence. Jealousy swelled in his body until he couldn’t take it any more and turned to shove Seiya to the ground. His limbs were stronger than he had remembered them being. Usagi gasped in horror at his unexpected and unwarranted actions. “Taiki what are you doing! Stop!” She tried to help Seiya up who was already brushing himself off.

Without a confrontation between the two of them Taiki felt his fist soaring towards Seiya’s face. Soon contact after contact left Seiya’s face bloodied and beaten. “Do you feel better now?” He asked as he stared at Taiki. “This is a battle that neither of us will win…”

A hard smack to the face brought Yaten’s face into perspective in front of him. “Don’t you ever say I’m not fit to protect our Princess… EVER!”

Taiki felt the welt growing and pulsing on his face. There was a fire in Yaten’s eyes that he never remembered seeing before. When would he wake up? The hallway seemed to grow longer as the brunet dreaded going to its end to find Seiya’s room. He didn’t want to talk to him about his problems, he knew all too well what was going on because he too was suffering from them.

“Let it go Seiya.” Seiya’s own voice echoed in his room as he spoke to himself. “That’s what they’re going to tell you, they don’t understand.”

“Maybe they do understand.” Taiki said pushing the door open.

Seiya looked up with a less than pleased look on his face as he acknowledged Taiki’s presence. In long strides, Taiki found his way over to Seiya and took a seat beside him on the bed.

Usagi’s mood brightened immediately with Seiya’s presence. Jealousy swelled in his body until he felt he couldn’t take it any more. One look from Seiya and he saw his emotions clearly in his eyes. True, he had fallen in love with her, but could his love rival that of Seiya’s?

Usagi had let her question fall without an answer. He so desperately wanted to give her the answer that he truly felt. He wanted to tell her that she possessed the most beautiful shine he had ever had the pleasure of witnessing, that he in no way thought she was incompetent.

“They don’t understand, they don’t know what is between the three of us… what’s between us and Kakyuu…” Seiya’s voice trailed off as a clap of thunder sounded in the city outside.

Damn this rain. Taiki concentration came round to Seiya once again. These were memories that he was having weren’t they? So why did they change every now and again? He knew he would never strike Seiya though sometimes he would have liked too. Why did he see those images as though he had?

“The council has no idea what happened on Earth, they have no idea what we went through.” There was strain and a mixture of sadness and anger in Seiya’s voice. It seemed somewhat scratchy and hoarse.

“The council has no need to know of what we went through, they wouldn’t care anyway. Why would they concern themselves with the trials and tribulations of three mere senshi’s?” Though Taiki voiced these words, he didn’t feel they were entirely true. “The council need not concern themselves with the personal infidelities of guardians, but the welfare of the state of our kingdom.”

Seiya looked appalled as he turned his head to Taiki. “I thought we were different…”

“We are different…”

“Odango I was going to skip rehearsal today…” Seiya spoke in a hushed tone that Taiki was not meant to hear. “… I wanted to…”

“Seiya, you’d best come to practice. Don’t compromise what we’re doing for a girl.” Taiki stalked up a little too closely, his presence commanding attention.

“A girl?” Usagi asked naively and caused Taiki’s mood to falter. This was the first time he had lectured Seiya about his actions when they weren’t behind closed doors. This was the first time he had said something in front of ‘her’.

“One day won’t hurt.” Seiya’s eyes narrowed as they closed in on Taiki’s looming form.

“That could be one more day without her.” Taiki’s calm visad broke along with his temper.

A heavy sigh spread across the silent room. “I just wake up thinking that I can’t possibly face another day.”

Taiki knew what he meant, he couldn’t face another day without her. “No matter what you do, tomorrow will still come.”

Seiya’s face looked up as tears became apparent in his eyes. There was desperation in them, an emotion that Taiki had never seen before. A feeling of loss swept over him as Taiki had a sinking feeling that this would be the last time he’d see Seiya.

The rain had finally stopped and the new morning arose. Taiki’s delusions, the same ones that had began in his dreams at night, and had to begun to manifest in the day time, were slowly wearing on his conscious, draining him a little more from reality each day. Sometimes he could truly question himself if he was awake or not, having a hard time finding the line between fantasy and reality.

But reality came today… and it hit hard.

The sum, the whole of my life has been dedicated to protecting my precious princess. That is all I’ve ever known, all I’ve ever been asked to do. The feelings of shame and uselessness has worn down upon me and brought me to be a burden on mine and other’s duties. I was to be disposed of in the days to come, to be cast out into a world that I had struggled to save, without purpose or meaning. I couldn’t do it.

Though I know my heart was still in it and I would truly have done anything for my Princess, I was told that I was not good enough yet again. I could not live from day to day keeping my strong appearance while I died inside. The pain has become too much and overbearing, my lust for life had died out the day we left Earth. I thought I could go on… but you have proven me wrong. Day to day has become hard enough without knowing the span of my insignificance throughout eternity. I’m sorry if I’m selfish, I just expected more… of myself.

I’m sorry to you Yaten and Taiki for letting you down and not being the strong leader that I should have been… that I used to be. I hope that you can forgive me for what I’ve done and find peace in whatever you do.

Princess… there are no words I can write that could truly express my sorrow for the undoubted pain I have caused you. But you are better off without a senshi that serves no purpose, one with a stained soul…

Please, there is one thing I ask of you… one last favor… please don’t tell Odango of this… of my disappointment and defeat.

Seiya

That day Yaten and Kakyuu lost two of their best friends. Seiya’s body was buried, emptied of its soul. Taiki’s body lived on, also void of its soul. He was lost in his own world, one where he could escape the pain. Seiya’s death had pushed him over the edged and closed his eyes and heart completely from reality.

In the years to come Yaten cared for Taiki, becoming his vegetable’s nurse, claiming no one else could do it and that he had nothing left.

To have fallen in love with a girl that taught him hope… to lose her was… if he had never learned of hope he would never have known that he had lost it. The warm breeze of summer had never smelt so sweet before.

“What were you thinking of?” A melodic voice played in his ears as he felt long slender fingers drift down the side of his face.

Taiki could feel the warmth on his skin and throughout his body, it wasn’t just from the sun, but also from the angel beside him. “A nightmare I suppose.”

Usagi snuggled up closer to him, causing the blanket beneath them to shift on the grass. “How can you think about that on such a beautiful day?”

“In comparison.” His face moved down as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “This perfect day wouldn’t seem nearly as great if I didn’t have something to compare it to.”

“Well compared to a nightmare, everyday is a perfect day now isn’t it?” Usagi giggled.

“With you, yes, everyday is a perfect day.” He smiled warmly before embracing her passionately, not to let her go anytime soon.

… you’ve become the hero…

- Sorry if this seemed a little confusing, actually it was supposed to! If insanity was easily mapped out, I don’t think it would be such a problem. ^_~ I didn’t separate Taiki’s mental delusions from the story line because since it was mainly focused on him, I wanted to write it the way it occurred to him. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I just thought I’d put that out there!