Author's Notes: Based on the evidence that I have seen in the Sailor Moon anime, I have come to the conclusion that the Three Lights, those gender-bending Sailor Senshi from the planet Kinmoku, are only truly male while on Earth and adopting the guise of teen pop idols. In fact, they are actually female, or *supposed* to be female, at least. Although the Starlights always revert back to their natural gender while transformed as Senshi, one still has to wonder just exactly how they pulled off such a . . . thorough . . . disguise . . . while on Earth. And thorough it is, complete with manly chest and manly genitalia. So the Three Lights in the anime obviously went a lot farther with their "disguise" than they did in the manga, in which one can assume that they merely taped their breasts to their chests and pitched their voices low. Of course, complete gender-swapping transformations are not unknown to the Sailor Senshi of our Earth. In the manga, both Usagi and Minako use magical items to briefly transform into men. I wonder, did the Starlights have such similar items to help aid in their transformations? How did they reach the conclusion that they needed to transform into men in the first place? To attract their princess, sure, but then again . . . That's not the type of decision that a person can reach very lightly. The following is my attempt to dramatize what that decision must have been like, and how weird it must have been for three misplaced alien teenage girls to suddenly find themselves transformed into three misplaced alien teenage guys. The result may be pointless, but heck, at least it was fun to write. Standard Disclaimer: Seiya, Yaten, Taiki, and all other characters and concepts from Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon are created by Naoko Takeuchi, NOT by me, and are used only in the most illegal sense possible. But please don't sue me, I have no money to give you anyway! Rating: PG-13 for sexuality and language. And sexist jokes. Feedback, onegai? Kotetsu@bishoujosenshi.com For more groovy Starlights fun, visit http://www.angelfire.com/in3/starlight _____________________________________________________ Initial Metamorphosis A Twisted Starlights Fic by Kotetsu _____________________________________________________ "You're sure about this?" "Of course. If I wasn't positive that this wouldn't help us, I wouldn't even suggest it. But I know that I won't be able to go through with it if you guys don't . . . " "Hai, hai, we'll do it." "I can't *believe* you talked me into this." "Quit your grumbling, Yaten." "I'm sorry. It's just that I seem to have a lot to grumble about lately." "Okay, okay, okay. So Temptation Trio was a failure. Although we do have a rather large underground fanbase of the drooling fanboy persuasion." "It was your stupid idea, Taiki, and it sucked. We were aiming for GIRL fans, remember?" "I don't get it. If all the other female pop singers are popular among girls, why aren't we?" "I've already explained this. My painfully beautiful figure gives them all complexes." " . . . Right. Whatever you say, Yaten." "Enough already! Are we going to do this or not?!" "You sound nervous, Seiya." "I am nervous!" "Have you given this as much thought as you say you have? I mean, we're going to have to change our names and our identities again." "That's easy. I want to be called Seiya for a change. I want thousands of screaming fangirls shouting my *real* name at the top of their lungs! I want the strobing stagelights, the feedback whine of the mike, the thrumming chords of the guitar, the thumping notes of the drum, the--" "The princess, Seiya. Remember the princess." "Right. I know. We're doing this for the princess." "Fine. Just so you remember." "You honestly think that I forgot?! If it weren't for the princess, I would NEVER go through with this!" "So, then, it's decided. We'll go back to our real names. If the Temptation Trio disappears into obscurity, I'm sure that nobody will really notice." "Except for the drooling fanboys." "Somehow I get the impression that you're not too upset about leaving them, Yaten." "Hah! You got that right." "Wait, wait, wait! Are we still going to do pop music, or what? I mean, we don't exactly have the best track record--" "Jazz! I like jazz." "Nuh-uh. There's no way you guys are going to get ME to play a brass instrument. *These* delicate, beautiful fingers were made for the keyboard alone. Or perhaps the violin." "But I like jazz . . . Mo." "We can do jazz. We can do jazz, guys! It's not all brass and sax, you know." "So, like . . . Do chicks really dig jazz?" "Oh, yes. Chicks dig jazz." "But will chicks dig *our* jazz?" "Sure. If we pull it off right." "I think we better stick with pop, just to be safe." "No, no . . . If we take the beaten path, we'll never stand out from the crowd of wannabe entertainers . . . We should do something original, unique . . . " "Um . . . How about jazz-pop?" "What?" "Like, both jazz AND pop . . . We can blend the two . . ." "Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!" "What a hook!" "The girls will be *swarming* all over us!" "IF we hurry up and do this--!" "Okay. You first, Seiya." "Har har har. Very funny." "No, really. It was your idea in the first place." "Oh . . . all right . . ." "You're not getting cold feet now, are you?" "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am." "Come on, Seiya. Think of the princess. You're doing this for the princess." "You're right. If *this* doesn't work, then nothing else will." "Quit stalling, and go ahead and do it!" "If YOU'RE so eager, Yaten, why don't you do it first?" "Hmph. You *are* scared." "I am not! I'm not afraid of anything!" ( a deep breath ) "Disguise Power! MAKE UP!!!" ( a flash of light ) "Is . . . is that it . . . ?" "Seiya, are you all right?" "Agh . . . My head hurts . . . I feel dizzy . . . " "Your center of gravity has shifted. No, no, don't try to walk! Here, let me help you. There, that's it." "I think I need to sit down now . . . Oh, ye Gods . . . My voice!" "Calm down. Here, let's sit here on the couch." "Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous." "What are you grinning about, Yaten?" "I just didn't think that it would actually work!" "Well, it worked. Are you happy? You should be, because you're next." "Quit it, both of you. Seiya, hold still." "Okay . . . hey . . . HEY, what are you DOING?!" "Unbuttoning your shirt, silly." "Taiki, stop that!" "Oh, come on. You were the guinea pig for this experiment, so you agreed to a post-transformation examination . . . Oh, my . . . It really is flat . . . But there's no chest hair . . . Well, that works to our advantage, I suppose. Body hair is out of fashion among the female population of this planet, anyway. Sing for me." "Mi mi mi mi miiiiiiiiiii--" "Yes, I can see your Adam's apple. By the way, you're a lovely tenor." "I certainly hope so! Can I put my shirt back on now?" "Not yet. First, I need you to stand up for me. Can you stand up?" "Sure . . . Sort of . . ." "You're awfully wobbly, Seiya. Are you sure you're okay?" "Yeah. It'll just take me a little while to get used to the different center of gravity." "Great. Now unzip." " . . . . . . . . . Excuse me?" "I said unzip. Let's see how powerful the Disguise Wand *really* is." "Fine. But only if Yaten will stop giggling." "I can't help it!" "Yaten, be quiet. Seiya, unzip." "There. Are you happy?" "No underwear. I want the full monty." "For the love of . . . ! Yaten, quit staring at me!" "She can't help it. You're blushing like a beet." "I . . . I . . ." "It's okay. It's actually a relief to me, to know that you still have at least *some* modesty left. Come on now, out with it." "Here. Are you satisfied, Taiki? Oh, Yaten, don't look so horrified." "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . I have to get one of THOSE?!" "Well, now that it's just hanging out there . . . I guess the Disguise Wand really does work. I hereby conclude that it is safe for Yaten and I to use." "Then just do it! And by the way, is this thing an impressive size or what?!" "Seiya, you can put that back now." "Oh, just when I was getting used to this body. You know what, guys? This might actually be kind of fun!" "F-f-fun?!" "Yeah. It's like . . . freedom . . . no more bras, no more periods, no more shaving my legs, no more--" "Sit down, Seiya. You look sort of feverish. I think that the transformation may have drained your energy." "I guess so. I just thought--- *** OUCH!!!" "What is it?! Are you all right?!" "I SAT ON MY FRICKIN' . . . . um . . . balls." "So, then. I guess this will take some getting used to." "You got that right." "So, what are you waiting for? Yaten, you're next." "But I'm too pretty to be a man!" "This is for the PRINCESS, Yaten, for the PRINCESS! Don't forget that!" "Fine, okay, you win. It's a good thing that I'm a devoted and focused Senshi . . . Unlike *some* people that I know . . ." "Just take the stupid wand and get it over with." "I'll probably turn into a three-headed lizard or something, knowing my luck . . . Disguise Power, MAKE UP!!!!" ( a flash of light ) "Hey . . . I did it!" "And you're not a lizard. Hurray." "No, but perhaps something worse . . . Ah, it hurts a little bit down there . . . " "You should change your pants. Women's pants don't have enough space to comfortably accommodate you anymore." "All right, Miss Brain, why don't YOU give it a shot?" "Right now, I'm far more entertained by watching you grope your way to the couch." "Hey, give me a break! It's hard to walk in this body! Damn . . . I'll never be graceful or elegant again . . ." "Give it a week or so. You'll get back on your feet." "If you're so confident, why don't you go ahead and do it?" "Well, it doesn't seem too dangerous . . . I'll do it. Give me the wand. Slowly now, careful, don't fall over! I can see that we're going to have to overcome some serious physical impediments, and fast. Right. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I just--" "You've got the wand in your hand, now quit your babbling and do it." "Agreed. Disguise Power, MAKE UP!!!!!" ( a flash of light ) "Hmmm, an unexpected tingling sensation between the thighs . . ." "Taiki, your VOICE!" "I-I-I-It's not any worse than either of you!" "No, it's a *lot* worse than me." "Shut up, Yaten." "No. You know what? I DON'T feel like shutting up. I feel that I am perfectly justified in complaining and bitching, because I've not only had a lot of injustices to complain and bitch about in the past, but now, to top it all off, I have a DICK between my legs!" "So do I, Yaten." "So do I, Yaten." "Okay. I get the point. But my life still sucks." "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." " . . . " " . . . " " . . . " ( the fan overhead turns lazily, casting slow circling shadows ) "Hey . . . guys?" "What?" "What?" "So, like, what are we going to name our new band?" "Chicks with Dicks." "Yaten, I don't think that will go over very well with the heterosexual pre-teen female crowd." "Temptation Triplets?" "A, we're not triplets. B, we already tried the 'Temptation' theme. How about something nice and simple, but classy, like The Three Kous?" "Bo-o-oring." "The Three Lights?" "Lights? Hey, I like it . . . " "Yeah . . . The Three Lights . . . It'll be a clue for our princess!" "But the rest of this planet's population will be oblivious. It's perfect!" "Three Lights, Sailor Star*lights* . . . Oh, I get it!" "A little slow today, aren't we?" "Give me a break, you two. I just switched genders, remember? I think that all of my brain cells relocated to my testicles." "Speaking of testosterone . . . Do any of you have the sudden urge to buy a really big, fast car?" "No, but I've got a craving for nachos and football." "Football, Seiya?" "Yeah . . . I remember watching it on TV, once . . . It seemed kind of cool back then, but it seems REALLY cool right now . . . What about you, Yaten?" "Ballet classes. I've always wanted to take ballet classes." " . . . . . . . Yaten, we're going to have to work on your masculinity." "So, like, um, is there a class you can take . . . or something . . . I mean, where *does* one learn about how to be manly?" "Well, when Seiya made her . . . his . . . suggestion this morning, I took the liberty of renting some helpful and educational movies so that I could better study the differences between masculinity and femininity in this planet's current socio-cultural structure . . ." "Let me see those! Ooooooh . . . Bruce Willis . . . " "Hey . . . guys . . . ?" "What now, Seiya?" "I think . . . I have to go to the bathroom . . . " " . . . " " . . . " " . . . " " . . . Seiya, there comes a time in every man's life, when he must venture out beyond the protection of his family and his tribe, travel alone into the uncharted, wild forests surrounding far from the comforts of his home, confront his weaknesses, survive a challenge of skill, and cross the threshold from boyhood into manhood. Now is such a time, my lad. Go forth, and be strong!" "But, Taiki, I don't have the first CLUE how to-- No, I mean, I know how, but I'm scared to-- I mean, it's sort of an uncrossable threshold, it's like--" "Baka Seiya. If you're not afraid of Sailor Galaxia, then you surely can't be afraid to take a lousy little whiz." "Tactful as ever, Yaten." "Thanks. I try to be." "Please come with me, won't you? Hold my hand? I need the emotional support." "Y-Y-You're crazy!" "No, I'm sarcastic. So HAH! How do YOU like it?!?!" "I think that I'm going to do the manly thing and punch you in the face." "You wouldn't dar-- **** YEOWCH!! All right, YOU ASKED FOR IT! TAKE THAT!" "OW! WATCH THE HAIR!" "HEY, DON'T SWING AT MY BEAUTIFUL NOSE!" "Oh, can't you just feel the testosterone in the air?" "SHUT UP, TAIKI!" "Hey, don't throw those pillows at me!" "You asked for it!" "Why, I oughtta--" "Dammit! **** OOF!" "Hah! What a punch!" "I told you I could throw a good slug!" "Okay . . . All right . . . Now that I've got that out of my system . . . " "Whew! I never thought that a fight could be so much fun!" "I told you, it's the testosterone." "Hey, guys, I need to sit down again. I think I'm going to fall over . . . " "Good idea. Aaaah, that's the stuff. It feels good to sit . . . Yaten, what are you doing?" "I'm just re-arranging *them* before I sit down. I want to be careful, you know." " . . ." "I don't think you should do that in public, Yaten." "Whyever not? It's much more safe and comfortable this way." " . . . " " . . . " "Hey, guys?" "What now, Seiya?" "I think that the Three Lights still have a lot left to learn." " . . . You got that right." -- The End -- ~ Kotetsu, 3/22/01