Christmas Lights by Adella Tatiana Anklé, Certified Genius *glaring* Okay, okay, I get the point, I was only kidding about the "Certified Genius" thing, so STOP LAUGHING! Yeesh... Whoo-hoo! Hi there, minna-san! Adella here! *does the "retarded sign"* Dur, dur, stupid greeting. *guffaws* Ahem. Sorry about that. Holiday season's getting to my head. Okay, so I was thinkin' the other day, what with it being Christmas and all, well, what would it be like if the Three Lights ever went Christmas caroling? Well, a little light-bulb went off inside my head and that little thought branched off into lots and lots of tiny little thoughts and pretty soon after that... well... I had myself a brilliant-beyond-brilliant idea. Which brings us here. So the idea may not be your average "brilliant-beyond-brilliant" idea. Sue me. It's an idea and it works when school's out and you have nothing to do around the house. Hey, I'm not saying I like school more than I like staying at home, sleeping in, watching cartoons, and feasting on ice cream, I'm just saying that school's a lot more exciting. Whoopsie... geez, I'm getting WAY off subject. Okay, before I get all boring and stuff with all my jabbering, I'll let you read something that's a WHOLE lot more exciting than what I have to say... DISCLAIMER: Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all those other people. Also, don't think for one minute that I own these Christmas songs I use in here, okay? Maybe the slightly warped lyrics, but not the songs themselves. Honestly, *tosses hair* I may be a very gifted and highly intelligent genius, but there ARE some wonderful things out there in this world that weren't created by little ol' me-- *glares, then takes a sawed-off shotgun and shoots all the people who are laughing* Hmph. Serves them right. *blows the streaming smoke off of the gun's muzzle* Oh yeah, this story thingy takes place... er... sometime in the series before Kakyuu shows up, but after everyone knows of everyone else's senshi alter egos. I tried to think about it, but I didn't know if there was a time in the series that took place around Christmas. If there was, good. If not, let's pretend. *puts on a Santa hat* According to me, there was a time in the series that could have taken place around Christmas. And whatever I say is the gospel truth, oh course. *looks around quickly to make sure no one's laughing this time* So don't hold it against me if my "gospel truth" is false. This is just a fanfic, and in the fanfiction world, anything's possible. Alrighty, before I scare everyone off with my psychotic antics and senseless babbling, I'll let ya'll read my little story. Just as a warning, it may be a bit... er... shall we say strange? Yeah. Enjoy! ***** "No." "Please?" "No." "Pretty please?" "No." "Not even for some caviar?" "NO." "Come on, Yaten. It's for publicity." "No. I don't care about publicity. I've had to dress up as a psychopathic policeman and as a whacked-out spandex-clad superhero, but this... THIS is where I draw the line." "Think of the princess, Yaten, think of the princess." "I AM thinking of her." "Then why won't you do this?" "Seiya, do you really think that singing Christmas carols will reach the princess? Do you think she'll be listening and she'll show up only after we sing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'? Do you think she'll be looking out for three superstars dressed up as little chubby Santa Clauses? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT--" "Okay, Yaten, we get the point." "We already agreed to do this, so you can't back out now." "WE agreed to do this? YOU two were the ones who agreed to it without asking me first! These damn publicity stunts are getting to my head!" "Um... so...?" "I'm not doing it." "Yaten, listen to me." "What?" "Look at Seiya and I." "Okay... yeah, I'm looking at you, and just so you know, I was already aware of the fact that I'm a WHOLE lot better looking than both of you. What's your point, Taiki?" "A little conceited, are we?" "Shut up, Seiya." "Yaten, I'm not talking about looks here. Just... measure yourself up to us." "Um... MEASURE myself up to you...? Wait a minute... what do you mean?" "You know what I mean." "I swear, Taiki, if this is another height thing..." "Just shut up for a second, Yaten. Look, Taiki and I are a WHOLE lot bigger than you and we could beat the crap out of you if we wanted to." "And I could beat the crap out of you two. We're even." "Two against one, Yaten. The majority vote prevails over the minority..." "And you're the minority in more than one way, short stuff." "Therefore, you have no say in this decision." "We rule over you, so to speak." "Precisely." "So... whadya say?" "Fine, okay? Fine. I don't care. I'll do it. I'll do the frickin' publicity junk, but I'll make it very miserable for BOTH of you. You'll regret the day you were BORN after this!" "How very kind of you." "This is gonna suck. I can't believe I'm agreeing to this." "Come on, it'll be fun, Yaten. Besides, you'll look SO cute dressed up in a fuzzy little Santa suit with a little stuffed belly." "Bite me." ***** Seiya looked in the mirror and adjusted his fuzzy Santa hat, humming a peppy little tune as he smirked at his reflection. He fluffed up a bit of fur here, removed a bit of lint there, and smoothed down his red costume, looking dangerously at the mirror. "Who knew that Santa Claus could be this sexy, eh?" he said, winking and patting his bulging stuffed stomach. "Yup. I look pretty damn good for a jolly old elf." Just then, a loud rap at the door of his room drew his attention away from the beautiful reflection in the mirror, and he sighed. Oh, the injustice of it all, having to be torn away from the beautiful face staring at him from the smooth surface of his beloved mirror. "Come in." A very calm Taiki stuck his head into the door, the furry end of his little yellow hat flapping down in his face and obscuring one of his eyes. Seiya watched, half-amused, half-annoyed as Taiki maturely flipped the hat back, opened the door, and stepped into the room, walking over to Seiya's full-sized mirror to gaze at his own tall, yellow-clad reflection. "Ahem." Seiya cleared his throat disapprovingly and stepped aside, letting Taiki butt into his little world of happiness by the mirror. Taiki didn't respond, but he turned to the side and patted the full, round belly that was strapped on underneath the fuzzy Santa suit, an apprehensive expression on his face. After a few long moments of silence, he stepped back and frowned. "Are these suits supposed to give us the impression of being fifty pounds overweight?" he asked dully. "Because quite frankly, this fake abdomen is rather large." Seiya chuckled. "Just part of the costume, Taiki. You'll have to live with it." Taiki stepped away from the mirror and Seiya sighed in relief, happy to be reunited with his dear, sexy reflection. "Are you ready?" asked Taiki. "We should be starting pretty soon." Seiya sighed, disappointed at having to be torn away from the mirror again. "Yeah." He followed Taiki out the door, giving one last, longing glance towards the mirror. "Just let it go," Taiki said, patting his arm soothingly. Seiya sighed again and closed his door, but not before he turned back and peeked through the crack in the door. Taiki rolled his eyes as he distinctly heard him say, "don't worry, you sexy thing. I'll be back later." "Seiya!" Seiya jumped back and shut the door. "Coming!" he exclaimed, rushing obediently to the taller Light's side, a huge grin on his face. Taiki shook his head and massaged his temple, sighing heavily. Seiya frowned suddenly, glancing at him. "Hey, Taiki." "Hmm?" "Where's Yaten?" Taiki immediately snapped his head up and looked at Seiya, who's alarmed face mirrored his own. In unison, the two tall Santa Clauses swung their heads around to look at the smaller Light's door and they both dashed towards it. "Yaten?" Taiki called, rapping his knuckles lightly on the door. "Yaten, it's time to go." They waited for a moment, receiving no reply. Taiki looked at Seiya and shook his head."I knew this would happen," he said, sighing woefully. Seiya balled his hand into a fist and beat it against the door loudly. "Yaten!" he called, pounding. "Yaten, get your butt OUT here! We're have to GO!" "I'm NOT coming out!" came the angry reply from behind the door. Seiya gritted his teeth in annoyance and kicked the door. Taiki cupped his hands around his mouth and leaned towards the door. "Yes, you ARE! You come out right now!" "NO!" Seiya kicked the door again, harder this time. Taiki looked at him and frowned. "How are we gonna get him to come out?" he asked in an urgent whisper. "We have to leave." Seiya glared at the door. "Break down the door," he replied. "No," Taiki said, shaking his head. "I don't want to have to replace ANOTHER one..." "Whatever it is that you're plotting, it's not gonna work!" yelled Yaten, his voice slightly muffled from being behind the door. Taiki growled and cracked his knuckles. "Listen to me, Yaten," he called, pressing himself against the door. "If you don't come out... um... Seiya and I will break down the door!" Seiya perked up and grinned. "All RIGHT!" he exclaimed. "I don't care," Yaten shouted. "You won't be able to get me out!" Taiki gritted his teeth and looked at his watch. "We have to go," he whispered urgently. "We don't have time to be fooling around." "So we get to break down the door?" Seiya asked hopefully. He clasped his hands together and grinned at Taiki, who gave a short nod in reply. "Yes!" "Be serious about this, Seiya." "Oh, right." The two Santas positioned themselves outside the door, their shoulders facing it. "On the count of three," murmured Taiki to Seiya, who nodded. "One..." "Two..." "THREE!" With loud, long battle cries, the two Lights ran and smashed their shoulders as hard as they could into the door. Nothing happened. "Ow..." muttered Seiya, rubbing his shoulder. "We might as well be trying to break down concrete." "We can't give up," Taiki groaned. "Let's go again." "What are you two doing out there?" Yaten's voice asked curiously. "Nothing," Seiya replied. Yaten scratched his head and frowned at the door. What were they doing? They couldn't be trying to break down the door. He remembered how angry Taiki had been the last time a door was knocked down, so he doubted that anyone in their right mind would try and break down a door now. He shook his head, his curiosity getting the best of him. "One..." Yaten grabbed the doorknob. "Two..." Yaten twisted the doorknob. "THREE!" Yaten opened the door up and peeked outside, only to see two frightfully angry Santas running directly towards his door. "EEP!" Yaten shrieked, jumping away from the open door. He watched with wide eyes as Seiya and Taiki, still screaming, dashed into his room and rammed their shoulders into a wall as hard as they could. Yaten blinked curiously at the two Lights as they sat pressed against the wall for a moment, then slid down to splat lifelessly against the floor, little birdies chirping around their heads. Seiya came to a few minutes later and sat up, rubbing his sore shoulder and wincing painfully. He looked around and grinned suddenly, realizing that they had successfully broken into Yaten's room, and he turned to wake Taiki. "Taiki!" he called. "Taiki! We made it!" "Mmph... Mommy?" Taiki murmured sweetly, raising his head off of the floor to look up at Seiya with big violet eyes. Seiya frowned and smacked him upside the head. "Snap out of it, Taiki!" Taiki shook himself out of his daze and stared at Seiya. "Huh? What?" Seiya frowned. "You just called me 'Mommy'." "Did I?" "Yeah." "Oh... weird." Seiya shook his head, then grinned and patted Taiki's shoulder. "We did it, my friend," he said, gesturing towards the open door. Taiki smiled back at him as they both stood up and high-fived each other. "Mission successful, captain. Well done." "We broke through the enemy's force-field and made it into it's lair!" "What are you two talking about?" a blunt voice asked. Taiki and Seiya froze and simultaneously turned to look behind them. Taiki looked at the smallest Light and blinked, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards oddly, as if he were trying not to smile. "Yaten, wha-ha-ha-ha... er... what are you-hoo-hoo..." Seiya tried to suppressed the giggles that tried to come out of his mouth. "What are you... hee-hee-hee... um... d-doing... hee-hee-hee... th-there?" "What's wrong with you two?" Yaten frowned, looking at the two Santa Clauses closely. Taiki and Seiya couldn't take it any more. They simultaneously threw their heads back and laughed heartily, leaning against each other for support as they pointed at the Light, tears of laughter streaming from their eyes. Yaten scowled at them and crossed his arms, obviously not finding anything funny at all, but the other two Lights only clutched their stomachs and doubled over, laughing as if their lives depended on it. After a few moments, the two hyenas calmed down slightly, but they still laughed every time they set a glance in Yaten's direction. "WHAT was so funny?" Yaten asked, his hands balling up into fists. Seiya bit his lip and tried to disguise a giggle with a cough and Taiki maintained eye contact with his feet. Yaten frowned at them and tapped his foot on the ground impatiently, his arms crossed over his chest. "...Well?" Taiki inhaled and stood up straight, looking Yaten in the eye as much as he could without laughing. "Your costume," he finally said. Yaten scowled. "My costume?" "Your costume," Taiki repeated, nodding. "It's... a little... too... um..." He paused as Yaten shot him a dark glare. "A little too..." the smaller Light repeated impatiently. "...Um... massive?" "Massive?!" Seiya exclaimed, laughing hysterically. "It's HUGE! It swallows him WHOLE! It's twenty sizes too BIG! It's GARGANTUAN! It's--" "Shut up, Seiya," Taiki said, elbowing him. Seiya grinned and studied the small, blue-suited Santa Claus standing in front of them. The fuzzy Santa hat upon the smaller Light's head was nearly big enough to obscure his entire face, so Yaten had rolled it up so that he could see a bit, but the huge floppy end of the hat was flopped over his face, the small fluffy end reaching down to his waist. The sleeves of the shirt reached down almost a foot past his hands, and the pants were so long that his feet were nowhere to be seen. As for the strap-on belly, it reached down almost to his knees, and he had a small piece of rope tied around his waist so the pants wouldn't fall down. Yaten continued glaring at the two Lights through evilly glinting green eyes as they studied his light blue Santa suit. Seiya grinned and chuckled, fitting his fingers together to make a square shape. He peeked through the square to look at the glaring Light, then smirked and glanced at Taiki. "What do you think, Taiki?" he said. "Sorta like 'Thumbelina meets Jabba the Hut at Christmas.'" Taiki giggled and covered his mouth up as Yaten's eyes flared an odd shade of crimson and his fists clenched into impossibly tiny balls. "This..." he seethed, glaring at the two Santas, "this is all your fault." Seiya's grin never faltered. "Out fault?" he asked innocently, chuckling in amusement. "Yes! YOUR fault!" Yaten shouted, pointing a finger at the Light. At least, he tried to point at him, but the long, lifeless end of the oversized fuzzy sleeve only flopped defiantly in Seiya's direction. Seiya suppressed a laugh. "It's OUR fault that widdle Yaten is two sizes two small?" he asked the angry boy. "It's YOUR fault that this stupid costume is two sizes too BIG!" replied the peeved Yaten. Seiya scratched his head and studied Yaten. "More like twenty sizes," he muttered. "WHAT was that?!" "Guys," Taiki said calmly, interrupting the two Lights. "We're not getting anywhere by arguing like this." "Speak for yourself, forehead freak," Yaten muttered. Taiki's eyes sparked with red fire for a moment. "Listen, shrimp," he said, glaring at Yaten. "We have a gig to do in five minutes and all that you're doing to help is acting like an immature brat by slowing us down." Seiya tried to suppress the urge to gape at Taiki, but he failed miserably. "Taiki..." he gasped. "Was that a comeback?" Taiki sniffed and crossed his arms, sticking his nose in the air with a dignified manner. "And as for you," he continued, glancing at Seiya through the corner of an eye. "You're not helping any by provoking him. Grow up already so we can go." Seiya continued to gape, not noticing a little winged bug fly into his wide-opened mouth and fly back out, unharmed. "Another comeback," he breathed. Yaten frowned suspiciously at Taiki. "You seem awfully eager to sing Christmas carols," he said slowly. "Is something up?" "No," Taiki replied, shaking his head. "I'm only eager to get there on time." Seiya, who had no idea what was going on, continued gaping at Taiki. "Two comebacks," he mumbled. "Two comebacks in the same minute." Taiki glanced impatiently at his watch and rolled his eyes. "This is the only way, I guess," he muttered. Yaten, who had heard what he said, frowned curiously. "The only was to do what? Ow! Hey, leggo!" he yelped suddenly. Taiki's long, strong fingers were pinched tightly around the top of Yaten's ear, and after giving another glance to the gaping Seiya, he grabbed the black-haired Light's ear as well and began to effortlessly drag his two smaller companions to the door. "Ouch! Ow!" Yaten howled. "You're hurting my perfect ear! Stop!" Seiya, who hardly noticed the pain, began rooting and clapping his hands madly. "Atta boy, Taiki! Atta boy!" he cheered. "Don't let anyone push you around!" Taiki merely sighed and pinched their ears harder, suppressing a grin of satisfaction as Yaten began to scream like a dying cat. Acting as natural as possible, the tall St. Nick held his head high and proceeded to drag the two smaller, noisier Santas out the door. ***** "AHAHAHAHA!!! Oh! You're KILLING me! AHAHAHAHA! Hee-hee-hee! Oh... oh, I need a drink! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" A door slammed loudly as the loud, obnoxious sound of laughter grew fainter and fainter. The three Santa-suited senshi stood silently staring at the closed door. No one spoke for a few minutes. "Well..." Seiya said finally. "That went well." "He was laughing at ME, wasn't he?" Yaten asked angrily. Taiki and Seiya exchanged glances and remained silent. "WASN'T he?!" Yaten repeated. Seiya frowned at Taiki. "You heard him, Taiki. Answer his question." "What makes you think he was asking me?" Taiki said, glancing at Seiya. "He was obviously asking you." "How do you know?" Seiya asked. "He was looking at YOU!" "How could you tell WHAT he was looking at?" Taiki exclaimed. "His hat covers up his eyes!" Yaten growled and clenched his fists inside of his sleeves. "Okay," he muttered. "Alright. Yeah, I see what you guys are saying." He sighed and massaged his forehead. "Taiki." Taiki looked at him and frowned. "Yeah?" "How many houses have we done so far?" "Thirteen, I think." "And how many do we have left?" "Two, Yaten." "And can I ask you something else?" "I suppose..." There was a long moment of silence. Taiki glanced uneasily at Yaten, whose expression was unreadable. "...What do you want to ask me?" he said after a long moment of silence. Yaten's oversized sleeve flopped down to hit his face as he pointed at the huge, furry, blue Santa hat dangling down his back. "IT'S THE HAT, ISN'T IT?!" Taiki and Seiya once again exchanged glances, suppressing the urge to burst out laughing. "No, Yaten, I don't think it's the hat at all," Taiki replied truthfully. "Yeah," Seiya added, grinning. "It's the giant, fuzzy, moth-eaten Santa suit that swallows you whole." Yaten fumed and clenched his fists tighter as Taiki chuckled and Seiya laughed hysterically. "Oh, yeah?" Yaten said hotly. "Well, how come MY suit it the moth-eaten one?" He sent a glare in Taiki's direction. "How come YOURS doesn't have moth holes in it?" Taiki shrugged ever-so-slightly. "I suppose that the yellow Santa suit was worn more recently than the blue one." Yaten shook his head as they began to walk to the next house that they were to sing at. He shivered and hugged himself. "It's freezing out here," he complained, glaring at Taiki and Seiya, who were obviously enjoying themselves. "Just because my suit's bigger that yours doesn't necessarily mean that it's warmer." Taiki smiled slightly and looked at Yaten. "There's a reason that your costume is oversized, Yaten," he said seriously. Yaten stopped shivering for a moment, and he blinked. "There is?" "Yes," replied the yellow Santa. "We got the costume to fit your ego, not your body." Yaten glared at him and resumed shivering as Seiya burst out laughing. "Great," he said bluntly. "Just when it couldn't possibly get any worse, the only OTHER normal one besides me starts making stupid jokes." Seiya recovered from his sudden fit of laughter and, grinning optimistically, slapped Yaten hard across the back, causing the smaller Santa to stumble forward. "Hey, it could be a lot worse!" he exclaimed cheerfully. Yaten scoffed and shivered again. "Yeah, right." "It could! At least it's not snowing, right?" Seiya asked, his grin doubling in size as he looked at Yaten. Yaten shrugged one shoulder and sneezed. "I guess," he grumbled. "That's the spirit!" Seiya exclaimed, walking ahead. Suddenly, Yaten froze as he felt something tiny and cold land on the very tip of his nose. He frowned and looked cross-eyed at it, squinting as he tried to make out the tiny object. It was a snowflake. "AAARGH! THIS IS SO STUPID!!!" he shrieked, grabbing his hat and throwing it on the ground. Taiki and Seiya stopped walking and turned, staring at him as he began to holler and jump up and down on top of the hat. "Yaten," Taiki said bluntly, " the faux fur is already dead." But Yaten didn't hear him. "THIS IS SO *STUPID*!" he yelled. "THIS SUCKS! I'M NEVER DOING ANY PUBLICITY STUNTS AGAIN! NEVER! YOU HEAR ME?! *NEVER*!!!" Seiya and Taiki continued to stare as he stopped jumping and stood there on his hat, his chest heaving as he gasped for air. He felt wonderfully pissed. Man, that felt good... powerful. He felt powerful. He wasn't going to take any more of Taiki and Seiya's crap. He was his own person, and HE could decide what HE wanted to do. Seiya grinned suddenly and pointed towards an upcoming house. "Next house!" he called cheerfully. He and Taiki hurried towards it, leaving Yaten behind them. So much for THAT. Yaten sighed reluctantly and picked his muddy, deformed hat off of the ground, stumbling over his long pants as he began to grudgingly follow his companions. They stopped on the porch of a small house nestled in a small neighborhood. Yaten glanced at Seiya, Seiya glanced at Taiki, and Taiki rang the doorbell. A few moments passed in silence, until finally the door opened and a little, hunched-over old lady stood standing in front of them. She looked at them with an annoyed expression on her face as she clutched her crooked walking stick with a long, white, bony hand. "I already have a subscription to the paper," she snapped angrily, whipping out her cane to whack each of the Lights soundly over the head. "Go bother someone else!" The three Santas once again stood facing a slammed door. Seiya shook his head as they began to walk away. "Yaten," he said seriously, "You never told me that you had relatives here." "Shut up," Yaten growled. ***** Yaten stomped angrily down the sidewalk as snowflakes fluttered down from the heavens, sprinkling his light blue Santa suit with sparkling white. Seiya and Taiki followed after him, smiling cheerily as their breath made little clouds in front of their faces, inhaling the crisp, cold winter air and looking up at the cloudy gray sky. Seiya looked ahead at the angry Yaten and grinned. "Cheer up!" he called. Yaten said nothing. "At least that was our last house, right?" Yaten remained silent. "And, if I may say so, I think you made quite an impression on those little kids." Yaten didn't respond. "Actually, it was kinda funny when they ran away screaming after they saw you." Yaten didn't speak. "And how they were crying for their mom because the 'little blue monster' was going to eat them." Yaten didn't reply. Seiya and Taiki shared a quiet chuckle as they continued walking down the sidewalk, the little snowflakes beginning to accumulate on the ground. Suddenly, Seiya stopped walking and turned to look at a large house that was beside them. "Hey," he said softly. "There's Odango's house." "Yeah," Taiki said, also stopping to look at the house. "And Haruka-san's car is in the driveway." Seiya's face scrunched up oddly. "Great..." A loud stomp made them look back at Yaten, who was standing in front of them with a dangerous expression on his flushed face, his eyes twinkling suddenly. "What's with you?" Seiya asked, blinking. He and Taiki gasped, clutching at each other as Yaten's face changed. He was grinning. "I was thinking," he said, putting his hands on his hips and looking at the Tsukino's house thoughtfully. "It wouldn't hurt to make one more stop, would it?" Taiki, recovering from the shock, frowned at him. "What for?" Yaten shrugged carelessly, smiling to himself and looking a bit... considerate. "I don't know. I mean, it's Christmas Eve and all... well... why don't we sing for them?" Seiya and Taiki gaped at him as if they had never seen him before, and they huddled together, backing slowly away from the silver-haired Light. "This..." Seiya whispered. "This has GOT to be a dream..." "...Or a nightmare, depending on what happens next," Taiki added, staring at Yaten. Yaten cocked his head to the side and regarded them with a thoughtful expression. "Don't go getting the wrong idea, you two," he said, looking back at the house. "I don't mean the traditional music that we've been singing." Taiki and Seiya looked at each other and decided that it COULD be Yaten. After all, that bored, careless, slightly evil tone was back in his voice. "W-well," Seiya said, his voice faltering slightly. "What exactly do you have in mind?" Yaten smiled in a slightly cruel, scary way, turning to look at his companions. "Well... we ALL sort of pitch in to write lyrics for OUR songs..." He didn't need to finish. By his words and the tone of his voice, Taiki and Seiya knew what he had in store, and honestly... they were quite willing to go along with his plan. ***** The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Minako called cheerfully, setting down her cup of punch. She skipped happily down the hall to the front door, leaving sound of laughter and Christmas music behind her. Sneaking up to the door, she looked through the peephole and let out a loud squeal of delight. "Minna!" she exclaimed, turning towards the doorway of the room she just left. "Come quick! Come quick! The Three Lights are here!" A loud rumble of feet announced the presence of the rest of the inner senshi as they joined their bubbly blonde companion by the door, Haruka and the rest of the outer senshi following reluctantly. Usagi, grinning and holding Chibi-Chibi in her arms, grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open. "Good evening!" she exclaimed, the child in her arms echoing her cheerful greeting. "Hi," Seiya responded. "Ooh!" Minako squealed, looking at Seiya and Taiki. "You brought costumes! How cute..." She stopped, suddenly looking at Yaten with an odd expression. "Yaten-kun, wha--" "Don't ask," he replied, cutting her off. "Why are you three here?" Haruka asked bluntly. "You weren't invited, were you?" "We came on our own accord," Seiya replied coolly, frowning slightly at the tall blonde. "Is THAT why you're dressed up so silly?" Usagi asked, giggling. Seiya smiled at her and shook his head. "Actually, no." Taiki smiled at the group of girls huddled around the doorway. "You see, we've been spending the last hour or two Christmas caroling and..." "Wait, don't tell me," Minako breathed. "You came sing for us!" Seiya nodded. "And believe it or not, Yaten was the one who suggested it." The girls gaped at the shortest Light, a few of them breaking into giggles at his huge costume, but most of them just stared. "THIS I'll have to get used to," Makoto said, smiling slightly. Yaten glared at them for a minute, but Taiki elbowed him. "Be nice," he whispered. "This WAS your idea." Yaten forced a very fake grin on his face. "Are you guys ready?" he asked through clenched teeth, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. A loud chorus of "yes!" replied, and he smirked at Taiki and Seiya. "Ready, guys?" he asked. "Uh-huh!" they responded in unison. They began to sing. "Joy to the world, Haruka's dead..." Haruka's smirk hardened on her face as the rest of the senshi began to stare at the band of idols. "...We all blew off her head. And as for her poor Michi, She isn't doing peachy 'Cause now she's really pissed, Oh, now she's really pissed, And when Michiru's pissed like that, You'd better run." Usagi covered up Chibi-Chibi's ears as a few of the girls began to giggle uncontrollably, mainly Hotaru and Setsuna. Haruka and Michiru were glaring at the three boys, who continued into the next verse. "With psychopathic wit and skill, She'll hunt you down and kill. 'Cause even though she seems so kind, She's quite a pain in the behind, Especially when she's pissed, 'Cause when that girl gets pissed, She drops that sweet attitude And gets real mean." The senshi broke into cheers and applause, Hotaru elbowing Haruka and Michiru as she giggled, the three Santas bowing and thanking their audience. "That was wonderful!" Rei exclaimed, clapping. "Encore! Encore!" Minako squealed. Michiru glared at the boys, crossing her arms angrily. "I am somewhat less than amused," she said bluntly. Seiya grinned at her and bowed, taking off his hat. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." "Next song!" Usagi sang out. Yaten grinned. He was enjoying every second of the situation more than he thought he ever would enjoy a job as an idol. "Our next song," he said seriously, "goes out to our most loyal, number-one fan..." he paused as the girls held their breath, "...Aino Minako!" The girls clapped as Minako began to bounce up and down, screaming her head off. "Ooh!" she exclaimed. "I bet it'll be a love song! I've always known that my Three Lights loved me!" Ami studied the grinning faces of the idols seriously, shaking her head. "Somehow, I doubt that it will be anything like that," she said to Minako. "Shh," Usagi whispered. "They're starting!" "Mina, the red-bowed schoolgirl Is a stalking psychopath And, unless you can't help it, Try to never cross her path." Minako's grin vanished as the other girls burst into peals of laughter, and she looked at Usagi seriously. "I'm not a stalking psychopath, am I?" Usagi pretended not to hear her. "She'll find out what your name is, Chase after you with a cry. Don't matter if you're an idol, Or just a good-looking guy. "If you think you're all alone, Walking down the street, You'll know that you're being stalked When you hear her stamping feet. "If you are being followed, Take out point of view and run, 'Cause when Aino Minako Catches you, it isn't fun." All of the girls but Minako were doubled over, some on the floor, laughing their heads off and wiping tears from their eyes. Yaten, Taiki, and Seiya grinned and bowed as the senshi clapped, cheering, whistling, and hooting enthusiastically. "I am NOTHING like that!" Minako shrieked, stamping her foot childishly. "Next song!" all of the other girls exclaimed simultaneously. "Gladly," Seiya said, bowing. "And if you're interested, Yaten wrote most of the last two songs. This WAS his idea, after all." Yaten backed away slightly as Haruka, Michiru, and Minako glared at him. "Uh... next song!" he called rather shakily. Taiki and Seiya nodded, and they began to sing. "On the first day of Christmas, Usagi gave to me An exploding cake just for me. "On the second day of Christmas, Ami gave to me Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the third day of Christmas, Minako gave to me Three adult XX rated movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the fourth day of Christmas, Luna gave to me Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the fifth day of Christmas, Chibi-Chibi gave to me Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the sixth day of Christmas, Haruka gave to me Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the seventh day of Christmas, Michiru gave to me Seven screeching, sour violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the eighth day of Christmas, Makoto gave to me Eight strawberry shortcakes Seven violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the ninth day of Christmas, Rei gave to me Nine nun teachers who pose as musical directors Eight shortcakes Seven violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the tenth day of Christmas, Ikuko gave to me Ten runaway children Nine nun teachers Eight shortcakes Seven violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the eleventh day of Christmas, Rei's cousin gave to me Eleven smashed pots Ten runaway children Nine nun teachers Eight shortcakes Seven violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me. "On the twelfth day of Christmas, Misa-chan gave to me Twelve little drawings Eleven smashed pots Ten runaway children Nine nun teachers Eight shortcakes Seven violin notes Six death threats Five cakes in the face Four hairballs Three movie tickets Two huge textbooks And an exploding cake just for me." The girls clapped, cheered, and hooted, some of them scowling ever-so-slightly in the process, but most of the audience was very supportive and enthusiastic about the performance. The three Santas bowed, accepted roses, and bowed more as the audience cheered happily. And after the three celebrities left to go home, Haruka pulled Minako and Michiru aside and whispered to them very quietly. The other girls tried to listen, but all they could make out was 'Christmas present." ***** The next morning, Taiki awoke to the peaceful sounds of crashing waves, gentle harp music, and seagulls calling. He lay still in bed for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of nature around him, then he got out of bed, gave his backside a good, hard scratch, and turned his CD player off, ending the peaceful sounds. With a tired yawn, he stumbled out the door of his room and into the kitchen. Seiya sat at the table, scarfing down a bowl of cereal. He paused in his eating for a moment to take a breath, grin at Taiki, and give him a greeting of "Merry Christmas", but to Taiki, all he heard was "Murr Chishmath." He understood perfectly. "You too," he yawned, stumbling towards the refrigerator. He opened it up, got a bottle of water, and sat down next to Seiya. It took him a few minutes to remember exactly who he was and where he was, so it's no surprise that it took him about five minutes to realize that there was a small piece of paper taped to his T-shirt. "Whash dat?" Seiya said around a mouthful of his breakfast. Taiki squinted and looked down at the paper. "I don't know," he said slowly. "There appears to be writing on it... but I can't read it. It must not be in Japanese." Seiya stopped eating for a moment, swallowed his mouthful of food, and squinted at the paper. "Well, it's no wonder," he said, grinning. "It's upside-down!" "Oh..." said Taiki, feeling very silly. "Well, um... let me read it." He pulled it off of his shirt and squinted at it for a few minutes. "Well?" a voice asked from the doorway. Taiki and Seiya looked up at Yaten, who stumbled towards them and took a seat next to Taiki. "What's that?" he asked, yawning. "Somethin' he found on him when he woke up," Seiya said. "Weird, huh?" "Yeah..." Yaten frowned at it. "Well, what's it say? Taiki began to read it. "'Dear friends...'" he began. Seiya glanced at Yaten. "Sounds suspicious... maybe it's the IRS." "Nah," Yaten replied. "Too friendly." "'Since today is Christmas day, we, three fans of yours who choose to remain anonymous, have left you a little gift in appreciation of your great talent, good looks, and charm--'" Yaten scoffed at that-- "'If you're wondering where the gift is, we'll give you a hint: DON'T LOOK AT YOUR CAR. Sincerely, Santa's Three Helpers'" Seiya grinned. "Ooh... a present! I wanna open it!" Taiki's mouth had dropped open after he read the letter, his eyes large and round with sudden fear. "Oh no..." he murmured. Yaten and Seiya looked curiously at him. "What's wrong?" Seiya asked. "Don't you see?" Taiki asked, his voice high-pitched with worry. "What is it?" Yaten asked. "Galaxia?" "The Animamates?" Seiya suggested. "The car!" Taiki exclaimed. The three boys exchanged glances before leaping to their feet and running out the door to where their old, faithful car was parked. What lay before them made their hearts stop. All that could be seen of their car was a huge pile of shaving cream, toilet paper, and red and green holiday sprinkles. Scattered around on the surface was gingerbread men, candy canes, tinsel, and glass bulbs, and on the very top was a message written in what appeared to be blood, but it was really ketchup... "Merry Christmas." ***** AN: Okay, now what did I tell you? Weird, wasn't it? Strange, wasn't it? Warped, wasn't it? The three parody songs go to these songs: the first one, of course, went to "Joy to the World," the second one went to "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer," and the last one went to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and if you didn't get that one right off, you're stupid. Okay, if you hated the story, loved the story, or just thought it was all psychotic, email me! chibimermaid4@yahoo.com Merry Christmas! © 2001 Adella Anklé 12/25/01